I just looked at what I posted exactly a year ago; I was depressed then and I am depressed now. I have come full circle, hahaha. going nowhere is fun for a while.
I just thought of something earlier today, we never stop to smell the roses because we are driving in our cars. Irony tastes so irony sometimes, and I am afraid it is hurting my fillings.
I haven't seen the dentist in years, and I don't have health insurance so it might be a while. I can't kill all the plaque building bacteria on my teeth, they depend on me.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
This is my procrastination machine
Blogs are a weird thing, almost like a diary but a diary you would secretly want to be read? Don't we all.
I go on here on late nights, when I have exhausted all other options on what to try and do. story of my life; a constant struggle to try and do something worth a damn. Because there was one moment when I realised how small I was, and how urgent it was that if I wanted to be anything special I was going to have to do everything as best as I can.
But like any human being I get weary, and I get tired. But unlike some human beings I can't rest easy, it always feels like I am on borrowed time.
I have evolved into an interesting creature over the following months, dipping into the more antisocial part of my personality. I am too absorbed in everything I am doing. every moment I paint I feel like it is the only immediate thing I can offer to the world before I am gone. Desperation is a part of my motivation, a desperation for greatness, something more. My whole life is a gamble I either succeed at such an amazing feat or die trying. the odds don't look good.
Motivation is a combination of love and stress compounding.
Time to do homework for a class that seems to be about everything I already know when I would much rather paint.
motivation is a combination of love and stress compounding.
I go on here on late nights, when I have exhausted all other options on what to try and do. story of my life; a constant struggle to try and do something worth a damn. Because there was one moment when I realised how small I was, and how urgent it was that if I wanted to be anything special I was going to have to do everything as best as I can.
But like any human being I get weary, and I get tired. But unlike some human beings I can't rest easy, it always feels like I am on borrowed time.
I have evolved into an interesting creature over the following months, dipping into the more antisocial part of my personality. I am too absorbed in everything I am doing. every moment I paint I feel like it is the only immediate thing I can offer to the world before I am gone. Desperation is a part of my motivation, a desperation for greatness, something more. My whole life is a gamble I either succeed at such an amazing feat or die trying. the odds don't look good.
Motivation is a combination of love and stress compounding.
Time to do homework for a class that seems to be about everything I already know when I would much rather paint.
motivation is a combination of love and stress compounding.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
