This is not my body anymore

6:30 am. haven't slept in days and I'm not even on drugs.  I don't feel like I know who I am anymore,  I am slowly watching myself lose control.  Who knows what's going to happen when I can get a grip on myself again.  I keep feeling like there is some sort of change I can make in my routine and life that will get me going in the right direction.  A new haircut, quiting my job, moving out.  I keep pulling these illusions over my head.  Now I don't want to eat, I don't want to sleep, I don't want to shower, or talk to very many people for that matter. I am in a bizarre state where I can't go without constantly playing music or painting.  It's my only sustenance in a cell with bars constructed from my needs.  It is my desire for stimulation and entertainment that will kill me one day.  Desire for a worthwhile purpose. but I am too much of a rough critic.