I am trapped

I am trapped beyond any reasonable state to do action. I can only be. I can only sit while the world turns. I have the greatest possible disparity with no reason to do anything about it. I cannot do nothing, I cannot do something. I am just trapped. Doomed to be and nothing more. My happiness gives me contempt, my sadness has no meaning. The cause to do action of my own accord has deteriorated. I am listening to a part of me that is in the past. I think I am the only person at the moment that will not do what I want for no reason at all. I cannot escape, I w on't escape. I choose not to, like I have been institutionalized in life. I want a savior but might never get one, I try to be a savior when no-one needs one, I try to leave the world but get drawn back in, I try to see the world but I can only dream of it, I wish I could just serve myself but its just not satisfying, I wish I could serve others but I don't know who, what, when, WHY, or how, I try, and I try, and I try, but thats it. I stop trying and try to focus on not trying, because my spirit will try to do otherwise. I know nothing, i have no choice, i have no will, I have no way. Where there is a will there is a way, where there is no will there is no way. Where there is both there is simply entrapment of the greatest kind, and thats where I am. Trapped, and I will bang and thrash my head on the walls of this prison until the very last breath of me. Thank god I am not alone, but I am doomed to see these people from the other side of these bars and never to join them. I am doomed to either be happy with my prison, or angry with it. Not to leave it but find a way to enjoy it or sit in sadness. And thats how I am institutionalized, routine takes hold and strangles to the point of mundane depression.