Retrospect

Ah,  Just finished those papers.  I feel so much better now that I got a full night of sleep.  Yet something is bugging me,  it's funny because it seems like I can never enjoy anything but the truth of my enjoyment is the opposite.  I have had joys and Ecstasies in my life that would make a guru blush.

  It is my drive and my ambition that puts such a high price toward enjoyment.  It's so strange,  I love sadness sometimes and deep melancholy,  It reminds me that I still have a heart.  When I am sad it is like a sweet symphony,  a harrowing minor shift into major and divine inspiration.  (watch your feet for the music pun)

If joy and Ecstasy are the shimmering surface of a pond than sadness and melancholy is the somber dark green depths where the bottomfeeders of the imagination lurk.  The key to optimism is knowing when to have pride and when not to.  If money is high,  friends are sociable,  and everything is prospering than be merry.  Prosper as well. Be like a blade of grass in the rainy season,  humility can kill if we aren't careful of it.  Too much humility is like the heavily abused dog that comes back to the master with its tail wagging. I know too many people that suffer from this,  and it's tricky because you cannot cure a person with too much humility by telling them how they should be.  You have to invoke inspiration in them,  you have to make them realize they are great and their potential is great. 


The key to always enjoying yourself however is to have the right amount of humility when necessary.  When money is low,  you have lost respect,  and people around you seem to be happier then have humility.  When I look at where I live,  what I have accomplished,  what image I put off,  and think it seems unsatisfactory I laugh.  I laugh at myself and realise I am just the little creature trying to make the entire world fall before myself.  I laugh because it is failure that has given us the diversity we have today, yes I know,  crazy talk.  But if nature were afraid to fail it would go nowhere,  eventually the organism that plays it safe for too long goes extinct.  We have to change constantly and we have to adapt in order to survive but also to be satisfied. 

We humans are too smart to not take full advantage and feel the greatest pleasure nature is capable of,  it is right here in our bodies.  This could be an argument for drugs,  but it is actually one against it.  We can feel happier without them as crazy as that sounds.  What if I told you I knew the perfect formula to experience bliss at all times?  Well I tell you bliss in your will and that is all.  I only follow the formula for constant bliss when I think I need it,  my brain and my self are at my own disposal to do with as I please.  I am freedom,  freedom is me. 

 However Freedom is just a feeling and chaos is just a concept.  Order is just an idealization and everything can be just as infinite and finite as we wish.  Embrace it all and you will cheat death within your lifetime.