The burdon of forgiveness

I heard you hate my guts, I am not surprised. I have earned many things that are coming to me many times over. I heard you think I am an asshole; I only have one thing to say to that. I never chose to become this way. It wasn't easy. Every person has their breaking point, its safe to assume that I don't have one anymore. I was slowly molded into this cynic from years of being pushed and prodded that way. One can't ignore a festering splinter for long. I heard that I am supposed to find god in you, but I already see it. I already see how much he has affected everyone in my life. It makes me sick. I can see disillusionment growing like a plague. Does it matter?

Was I truly seeing the light when I wanted to remedy the world, do what I could for humanity? See the good in humanity?

According to you.

Isn't it funny that what is supposed to be good for me is whats good for you? Isn't it funny that what is supposed to be good for us is whats good for man? Isn't it funny that what is supposed to be good for Christianity is whats good for society? And eventually what is good for society, is good for me. At least it is now.

Little things I tend to notice here and there, but I have already said this. Already reached the same conclusions. The next step after finding the truth is telling it right? But not everyone accepts the truth, just like how not everyone accepts a lie. At first. A person has to be convinced, tricked into a moment of changed perspective. That itself, is a lie. It is a lie to believe that when something is written down it is fact. History has been tampered with before, and continues to be. The winners dictate history, and tell it to our children.

Just because you are the first sheep in line for the slaughter, doesn't mean you know truth. Just because every other rat is enjoying the d-con, doesn't mean you should as well. And even when you find that vital truth, it doesn't mean that anyone else will want to hear it. I could say it is people like you that make me not want to bring a child into this world, just as well as you could look at me and think the same thing. Ugly cynics.

I could say you are the asshole, for being so subtle. Never telling me how much my presence truly disgusts you. Give me your truth and I will regard it as a delicate snowflake. The most daring move a person can make; To bear their souls before another. Oh it is rare, but perhaps I can wait for that delicate moment with a stronger heart; so my past doesn't crush the fragile essence of such an innocent gesture under its recumbent weight.

I could say the future is hopeless, but that would be just a blink in comparison to the next moment I can think. My emotions can be a raging foreboding sea, swelling up inside of me. but they are just that, contained inside the safety of my head. When the decision for action comes;

will I be awake?

Or will I be asleep?

But these are not the things that we should think.