New living and new dying

There has always been this idea that has disturbed me since I left an open mind to any facet of existence,  and it is the heaven/hell concept.  I would venture to say that if I can believe that there is a heaven or if there is a hell it wouldn't be hard to believe that we are in hell right now,  because obviously life isn't perfect.  The proportion of happiness to sadness and pain is always tipped in the favor of suffering.  No matter how happy a person thinks they are there is always sadness present,  this is not ideal.  However one could point out that you could have more happiness in life than suffering and therefore for the most part we can be happy and that seeing the brighter side of sadness to move onward is a fact of life.  But this is classic conditioning.  As children we can never seem to deal with pain the way an adult can and it is a rough transition to get to that point of adulthood because of this.  We start out innocent of pain and slowly feel that rape of consciousness as we develop.  So idealisations are not that unfounded,  we would all seize them at the chance.  However it is not hard for me to adapt to feeling pain for myself,  it is damn near impossible for me to adapt to seeing others suffer.  Hell for me is watching my friends personalities slowly slip into the traps of adulthood,  Hell for me is watching my best friend since before I could walk shoot up four times a day and spend hours looking for a vein.  He is leeched of life,  and leeched of that energy he had when we were younger.  I always thought he would be better off than me because he was such a good kid and pursued everything with vivacity and love.  However I am not a good person in the least,  and I deserve this feeling,  he however does not at all.  That is where my empathy is tortured to my core.