Soaking into this sentence

Back to check out this hole I have dug,  what a deep one.  All blog updates from followers,  none.  Perfect.  The key to modern living as a poor person is to learn to enjoy the color of white walls,  especially as it fades into a dull Grey and almost coffee type tone depending on the occupants dirt and dander.  I like dandy lions and lions that are dandy,  that is something I don't have to learn to enjoy.  I would like to start a college course,  Enjoying Sunsets 201.  It will be a class that goes so in depth about the patterns of sunsets that they become utterly mundane.  Every sunset the passing student See's will never leave them dumbfounded but rather unimpressed by the forms and colors.   I've got many more ideas to send to the board of directors:


Exasperating moments of Happiness 312

Using Favors as leverage 111

How to Convince a Junkie 113

 During the winter I have two loves: music and art. However I consider those two the same thing,  along with writing.  and during the summer nature gets added to the list.  However I have recently been severely deprived of all three.  This is what makes me unhappy.  I have been a largely emotional guy most of my life,  but that was because I didn't realize what my true outlet was.  Now that I have it and can't use it I feel so empty,  like I am trapped in the cookie cutter jaws of familiarity.  Wake up,  eat oatmeal or whatever I can find,  Wait for my room mate to shoot up for like 45 minutes,  share a cigarette,  get dropped off at Front range a couple hours before class depending on his work schedule,  go to the library instead of doing homework,  go into class and barely manage to keep up,  go back to the library and read about fossils, physics,  light refraction etc. . . .  get picked up.  Come home and procrastinate procrastinate procrastinate. 

In a way I am like a junkie as well,  I am addicted to expression.  I am addicted to my curiosity.  I am addicted to actually having something to show for my work.  What are we supposed to do with our tools we are given in college?  Become a teacher?  A pharmacist?  A translator?  A designer?  It seems like it boils down to two things, recycling old ways or creating something new.   How differently can a person in architecture build a bathroom?  How many different poses do people really desire to portray in portraiture? I want to create things that do one better than just copying the old design of god,  a form a function a law a obfuscation to mask it a purpose a resolution.  I want to show combination's of forms that portray something inexpressible and beyond our normal plane of sight,  something that actually twists the mind.  But I want to display it in such a way that the person knows it's happening and wants it to happen.  But I am really tired and I don't know what I am saying