So how does it feel to be an atheist? Not many people ask this question, neither do they wonder how it feels to be an agnostic either. It is kind of like wondering what it would be like to be a virgin your whole life. being a virgin your whole life is quite admirable but unnecessarily hard, painful (that's what she said?), and you will have no heir to really admire your feat. Many people however ponder what it is like to be a Christian. Experiencing god is the greatest thing that can happen to any human being, atheists are in fact the purists of today. Sure way back when being christian was mighty hard, but now that people have taken their own interpretation of the bible, church, etc. . . . turning it into a social get together for mental orgasms, I'm going to say that being a christian in America today is incredibly easy. Take a look at the modern christian family, husband wife and 2.5 children. They own two cars and go to church every Sunday. The kids get to go on expensive retreats and go snowboarding (regional). Of course these are monstrous generalities but in a utilitarian sense, this is Christianity. Generalities have to come from somewhere, perhaps simple observation?
But in a strictly personal sense, for any one human being on earth, the greatest thing they can experience in their life is God. How do I know this? Every person that does tells me about it, I even felt the same feeling and any person who says this was a false feeling can take a look in the mirror when they lose their “faith.” So Atheism is in fact, incredibly, incredibly hard. We have to face the grand specter of the universe by ourselves, we have to face the horrible fact of death by ourselves, we have no metaphysical perfect being to turn to but a “flawed” human as you guys like to call them. And I'm sorry but to have faith in a god and say that humans are not flawed because of that faith is absolutely absurd. But there are plenty who do not like the accusing finger, I'm actually going to go out on a limb and say that all humans don't appreciate accusation no matter how many cheeks they can turn. So you guys can go on with the mental Ecstasy of comfort, marvel at your uniqueness and feel the comfort reserved for a child of being held in the palm of a giant. Take the joy ride and never come back, I don't blame you, go! Go! Go! There is nothing you can lose and so much you can gain. Oh wait, I forgot about hell. Which by the way I would have to say would be so worth it to just catch a glimpse of this elusive god. But to reach the point I was trying to make is Faith, pure blind faith is like heroin. Screw the everlasting water of life that jesus promised. What he actually meant was that you will have a syringe forever stuck into your veins pumping jubilant waves of happiness obliterating any care or reason you ever held. What? Blasphemy you say? Wait until you are on that expensive American deathbed of yours and watch god dance before you like the cohesive particles of your morphine drip. (I am making a lot of “you” statements aren't I?)
Time for me to point the finger back at myself, because that is essentially what an atheist is capable of. Blame. There have been plenty of bad turns of events in my life where I would have loved to point at the sky and say, “Thanks a lot you old fuck!” I am super ignorant, I feel like every moment I learn new things I become more and more confused. I as a human being am scared, petrified by my own existence. I have new found paranoia from far too many trips. I find myself afraid in my mind of so many things at once, there are moments when I think that existence itself is some perversion for something evil. The concept of god seems like an inescapable box, I feel no freedom, I need air! When you yourself are left to your decisions about the universe optimism and pessimism are in a constant battle, both being just as valid as the other. If it is valid there is a heaven it is very valid that there is a hell. If it is valid that we are programmed to exist than it is valid that we could be trapped inside our minds. I feel reality bending before me, every thought, every action I have ever had could be leading up to something incredibly horrible. A horrific realization that my whole life was a sham, a dream, something thought up in somebody Else's head (god) Everything I ever wrote, painted, or believed was a lie. This my friends is the product of growing up in a Christian household, Everything I feel like I accomplish know or do is on borrowed life. I am a wretched “sinner” and I was born a sinner. Not very fair at all I might say. Lets stop calling the sinners “sinners” and just come out with it and call them “slaves” We were born slaves to this god. And now I am starting to turn my pointed finger away.
An atheist like any Christian should never be taken too literally, just like any human shouldn't as well. Which is funny to say because quite literally humans are taken quite literally by the literal text that explains a literal god who spoke existence into being; quite literally. Say that ten times fast, or maybe not, you never know what universe or deity might spring out of your mouth. Atheists take the journey alone, atheists actually let their mind be consumed by the fury that is doubt. Oh Thank god for doubt (hahaha) because without doubt there would be no mystery to the world or the universe. Why introduce a child to a world that is already explained? Torment future generations with the concept that nothing they could ever do is revealing anything or new and exciting. Or wait, have we already been doing that? Apparently life was already figured out 2 thousand years ago and everything we could every do now has no meaning in retrospect. And wait, isn't 2 thousand years ago not that long for a faith to falter? We have convicting faith that the dinosaurs existed and that was so many millennia ago it is incomprehensible. Where did their souls go? Or are we imperfect humans the only true living beings on the planet? If everything was in the garden of eden where is the lumbering T-rex or the brontosaurus? Could those fossils we see in fact be from that sacred paradise? Did Adam have a tapeworm? And did he name it? Or would a tapeworm not be able to exist because that would cause Adam such displeasure? No flu virus or common cold? Behold I have found a creature that did not exist in the garden of eden!!!! An Atheist recognizes that every living thing must feed on another and they also must face this on their own. We can't pray for a cure for our cancer, we must simply endure it and savor our moments of being alive. We must face death and accept it. Never ever tell me that atheism is a cop out. I can name things that suit that word far better. Of course just because it's easy doesn't mean it's true, just because it's hard doesn't mean it is either. Just because you see it doesn't mean it is there, just because you think it doesn't mean it is there either. Just because you feel it doesn't mean it is there, just because you can't doesn't mean it is absent. If there is a god we cannot think him up, if there isn't we can't prove to everyone that he is not there. What would it mean to find chaos? Is it sitting in a box? Where is our Pandora to open it? Just because nothing is fully proven doesn't mean you should make your own conclusions, we can only take the best possible odds. To me god is innocent until proven guilty. Take the first step towards thinking for yourself and question this post, question authority, question fact, question not in hopes of getting an answer but because you can admit that you don't truly know anything.
And marvel at the mystery that is existence on the way.
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