a mess of concepts

Hahahaha, lets start this one with a laugh, I just realised that I maybe write waaay too much. And since this post already seems to be taking a turn for the unconventionally worse, lets jump right into some of the cool thoughts I am having at this moment;

Isn't it the saddest common trait in society that the people who hate themselves are favored over people that hate everyone else? Although both are hate, and both are morally wrong to some extent, it is funny to see that there can be a mean for hating things. Another word for a person that hates themselves could be selflessness. Perhaps they are not actively belittling themselves, but they are still performing these sacrificial selfless acts in spite of themselves. What I see it as, is if you hate yourself, you hate the people around you. Because whether you believe it or not when shrouded by this spiteful vision, we are related. We both share these "faulty" if you will, genes. I can relate to this, that is how I know. I do sometimes have a lack of faith in humanity, but I wouldn't ask god to press the edit undo button for Adam and Eve. Because I see the capacity of every human, to do well, to love, to be "good." We have the capacity to figure this life thing out, to put forth such an effort unparalleled in all species. Although every species has done its part mind you. and that is something I can respect, the humbleness and yet raw untamed freedom of nature.

"Perspective dictates its own laws"

cool thought that was brought up with a good friend, by this I mean that a person See's what they want. Any view or prospect held by any sort of living being cannot be governed by anything but itself. Sure a persons view can change, but in the end, it is through their perspective that anything can make sense, be true, have significance. Like the question, if a tree fell in a forest and nobody was around to hear it, would it make a sound? My question is, when you walk into a forest and you see this giant tree resting in the calamity of dust, and the beam of light spilling through the hole in the canopy above it; does that image not create the greatest picture of a loud crash and breaking of boughs and branches in your mind? Like most philosophers say, there is a world of being and a world of knowing, nominal world and a phenomenal world, metaphysics etc.... So by this, if you would say the laws of death still apply to a singular perspective because without a being to think it, it becomes obsolete; I would ask you, isn't our memory of that persons perspective or that person in general, everlasting? A person cannot be forgotten, he/she vicariously lives through the whole membership of life. Have all extinct species been forgotten to the earth? No, their fossils remain, their impact in time remains. When all life is gone, their will still be that black knot called life running in the eternal grain of time. So in concerns to glory, in concerns to impact or remembrance, a person can only make that knot look bigger, not be a knot by himself in the face of time. (just a reminder, the knots seen in wood are the shoots, or branches of the tree connected to the primary xylem a.k.a heartwood.) So what if instead of looking at life as a tree, you looked at time as a tree, there is no beginning because that is the eternally growing roots. There is no end because that is the eternally growing trunk, branches, and leaves. The present is the moment the trunk meets or diverges from the roots, and it cannot signify the beginning because it grows in two different directions. Which two directions is something a beginning cannot have.

I have always had weird concepts towards the definition of time, a long time ago I liked to ask the question, what if time moved in a circle? It would still be eternal right? I like Thoreau's remarks on time when he quotes the Indian definition of time, to show time an Indian will point behind himself for the past, above himself for the present, and ahead of himself for the future. When I see this I can't help but think of the concept, what if time, was simply the laws of gravity? I wish I knew more about physics, but if every atom, stopped moving, would time go on? I would say no, because time can be a human faculty and we essentially are made of these atoms. So what if time exists in the eternal movements of these atoms? Although I have also heard that it is debatable whether atoms exist or not, so that doesn't help. Not only to mention that everything I have said is under the impression that there is no God, which could unload another plethora of possibilities. But I like imagining until my very intellect, my thought processes stress to the verge of breaking. Because as a Human, I can. A person is a person because they can be, a species is a species because it can be. Although I did not like these dead ends before, but due to new perspective I have changed.

ha! sometimes I love contradictions! and if I hated it other times, wouldn't that be a contradiction? Ooooo, someone has gotten my creative juices flowin and I love it!

This picture is in tribute of all the mathematicians and physicians out there, I love what they represent; the world of knowing.

When did truth become a lie?

"Why do we avoid honesty so much, and at the same time praise it? Is it because we believe at the core of our being, we are "evil" but what if at the core of our being we were something more pure than being "good" but rather possessing the wholehearted desire to be good?"

That is what I wrote on a piece of paper just a moment ago, and Kant would totally agree with this. This is something that we have been taught as kids for years. Do you want to know what I see growing up as? Being mature, is learning when to lie. Being mature, is hiding our demons. Somewhere, somehow, we got the ridiculous indication that those things are the "courteous" thing to do. That it would be the lesser of us, to burden society with such a thing. To burden people with the truth. So we carry it on our backs.

"Men establish and confirm their daily life of routine and habit everywhere, which still is built on purely illusory foundations. Children who play life, discern its true law and relations more clearly than men, who fail to live it worthily, but who think that they are wiser by experience, that is, by failure." ~Thoreau

For once in the case of truth it is not a nice gesture to carry the load or "burden" if you may of truth for another person. This is the equivalent of exiting the cave (in Socrates allegory of the cave) and hiding the world of knowing from the people within. Which to me is a horrible sin. All the time I hear, "god is truth" from christians who dastardly use that as a reason for evangelicalism; but at the same time they are willing to lie about, their own faith, their own "demons", and any other "white lie" of the sort. You cannot tell me god is truth without saying at the same time, but we are lies.

But lets see what a lie is, in the dictionary it is a false statement said with the deliberate intent to deceive. When I look at a lie, I see it as much more than one person intending to deceive other people. Whether you believe it or not the world is not full of people out to get each other. A lie can also be told to oneself, a lie can be a faith of sorts. Is there such a thing as a "good" lie? A lie told with the best intentions? We see this scenario all the time, lets say an adopted child is not told until he/she is an adult that he/she was adopted. Everytime they say, "why didn't you tell me?" Thats the common line, but thats also the common thought. Most people, can handle the truth. Because like a faith, a person no matter how burdened, has something to believe in; truth. Which is very important to the human soul. Notice I have said both truth and lies is faith, but by a lie being a faith I mean wishful thinking. and by a truth being faith I mean the genuine trust and confidence that truth, is true. For lack of a better definition. So when is it appropriate to lie? As soon as the truth is realised first, because wishful thinking isn't a crime. In my book; it is Never ok.

Forget I said this, it is too pessimistic and hard to digest.

Fever dream

I woke up at 5 a.m. today in a sweat and panic. I am glad to be alive. I also realised that when it comes down to it, we all desire to live. When fear grips us, when fight or flight beseeches us, survival mode kicks in. Hobbes was not quite the paranoid philosopher we thought he was. He was living in a war, we are living in a war. No matter how much we think we have overcome the natural world, and no matter how much we think that the problems of society, or our problems, means the end of the world; we couldn't be further from the truth. I have learned a lot from this dream, I never want to go back into those catacombs. I will listen to Thoreau on this one, I will be the free man like the cypress.

Rain comes at last

I know I am really happy when I can't do anything but sit and smile. I can hear the rain tapping on my roof, and I can still feel it soaking into my skin. Sometimes I swear he is there, of all the nights to rain. He knows how I feel about rain. I could write pages upon pages on how beautiful a night like this is, but I personally love when I can't because the experience was beauty beyond words.

How could I describe the rain, how could I describe the streets mirroring the lights off the buildings? Rain not only nourishes life but the earth as well. The streets come to life, with the fluidity making them seem as if no other surface could be smoother. How could I describe the beautiful experiences of tonight? The near perfect circumstances bring me to pieces. The weather was not cold, it was sensational, as in every shiver was like a shiver of joy. The water was not wet, it was nourishing, hydrating, down to every last soaked fiber of my being.

How could I describe holding hands (gasp no codeword!) hahahaha? pure euphoric delight. It was like all that rain filled me up and literally made me overflow with happiness, spilling and splashing on the pavement. Not only did the clouds precipitate joy tonight but we did as well; to hydrate the earth so it could thrive almost as much as us.

Ah, Spring!

It felt like summer was never going to come this year, I never really appreciated how amazing that process is. Every plant, animal, microscopic to macroscopic, all emerging out of their dormant states; To Flourish. I also realised while looking at this wise, aged tree that was gnarled and twisted by the elements of being a highway tree, that as much as you feel your world is falling apart life goes on. People living, dying, working, trying. Everyone concentrated in this little prison that they manifested for themselves. But the trees will always bud in the spring, the frogs will croak, Life will continue on its happy, pure course. Life is indifferent to man, yes, but that is why it is so beautiful. To be indifferent to obligation as a fact of life, you cannot tell life what it has to be. But we constantly assume that role, because that's what we have made of ourselves thus far. We are homo-Faber, man the maker, and not that there is anything wrong with that. It is just when we assume that entails us to manipulate any part of the world that much higher than our meaningless, mundane task or whatever demands more of life than is necessary.

Every moment I have alone, when I take a step back from the assorted comings and goings flying past me, I think about where I dream to be. Now that it is ahead of me, I don't know what to do but continue to dream. Its like I have been conditioned so well to impossibility in my life that when it is there I can't help but be astonished . How will I be able to sleep? How will I breath when I see the ocean again? My long lost friend, missed dearly in this crazy position and journey I have gone down. I went into the ocean a different person than I am today, the ocean changed me in the most fulfilling way.

I realized something today that was redundant in a way, but perpetually wonderful at the same time. I love Colorado, in the summer. It is like that moment of barren nothingness, that cold tomb I become sealed in, makes the blessing of sunshine and summer warmth more wondrous to behold. More sights, sounds, smells, feelings, and even tastes flourish in my soul as if my happiness is a young seedling growing exponentially with each new ray of sunshine. The sun shines in summer, the clouds reflect it, the clouds release their joy as well to feed the life below them. Is a rainbow not a brilliant display of the metropolis of diversity that springs forth from its showers of wealth? I am like a farmer that would rather have the diverse crops of the world than the wealth of man.

Who needs money when you have rich soils? That is a joke, but it is also meant to make you think. To change perspectives on what is wealth.

So yes, I will admit it, I will miss Colorado. I realised that when I saw Stanley lake tonight, the wind ripples created in the lake made a perfect illusion of dancing water droplets that I could see all the way from the road. The color of the lake was just like the sky, dark evening blue. The moon was out over the lake but somehow the sun was giving its last showers of light to keep the dusk hue. The mountains were bathed in clouds that were the same color blue so it looked as if you could see the moisture gathering on that rigid granite backbone of the Rockies. I realised for just a second I would miss summers here, when green seemed to take on a more gorgeous hue of life.

And it is with this I do not know what to do, I want to finish school. I desire to satisfy that little dream in my head, to be a professor. Oh its a little dream but it has so much significance. This would mean 6 years in Hawaii, that is a long time. I know I would not forget those friends, but I do not know if they would forget me. I am given the saddest choice I could ever make, to be with the people I love or to follow my dreams. Could they be together? yes, but different people have different dreams. Together yes, but to satisfy the dreams of another you must give up a little of yours. WHY???? Like that moment in the mountains when it comes down to it I love life, so much more matters than some minor obligation, SO MUCH MORE MATTERS. If I could suddenly fly in this moment I wouldn't stay to finish my work, I wouldn't even stay to finish my meal, I would go to those forests. I would fly through the Lianas and skim the mighty amazon river. I would follow it down every cascading waterfall and I would spiral upwards in every valley, valuing every second of being alive, I would be alive. It is no surprise why the birds desire to sing all the time, They dance as well. The best kind of dancing, with no gravity to withhold anything.

"It feels like Earth's gravity, is just here, to pull us down." ~Mudvayne

One of my old favorite bands.

Here are some cool thoughts I had while doing a crapload of work;


"If you want to see an example of mans ego, watch how shocked he will be when after he is gone; life goes on."


"If we lived in a world that was only green in color, would we not have dreams that were exclusively green as well?"