My ability to please

My beauty is based upon cheap skills,  it takes a small amount of effort to learn how to perform the social back flips I do.  Sometimes when someone looks at me I laugh,  because I know that they haven't the slightest clue of who I am.  What my friends and the people around me see is the performance of a lifetime.  A performance within a performance within a performance.  At the mall we can walk,  my gang of misfits and I,  and I can show them the performance I give to the crowd.  This performance requires little skill and large swaths of confidence.  It is very easy to yell at random people in public,  I just have to shut off that switch that seems to be innately built into humans to behave considerable around each other.  You could just say I am just being an asshole,  but I think the assholes are the ones that give cheap stares to complete strangers and would walk past someone who is crying and act nonchalant as if they were the ants we step over on the pavement.  Maybe if those ants were devouring a rotting human carcass they would seem to gain much more weight in our minds.

 Next is the performance to the elite circle,  this involves more cards played of ridiculous values.

The key to building the humor of the group:  Blatant exaggeration that stems into almost pure megalomania,  shameless self scarification,  and to hold up the supports of bewilderment one must tighten the tension of the ropes built by societal fear.  The key is to make them think that you shouldn't be doing what you are doing,  that you are stealing the cookies from the jar and they are taking a bite while snickering under the table with you.

The sad irony;  Jokes when we are children are preparation for adult behavior and thus non-serious play fighting like baby carnivores.
While Jokes when we are adults all have a bitter hint of truth in their taste,  the greed behind getting away with turning that ridiculous joke into unabashed truth overwhelms us. 

So when there is a small group I reign with humor without becoming the jester of their court,  this is impossible with large groups and it will only lead to being bound in shackles to have rocks/fruit thrown at my face.  It is only possible to make the group laugh while maintaining dignity by pointing out the groups flaws in such a way that only a portion of the group applies,  or in other words using stereotypes.  We laugh at stereotypes now because they are so forbidden.  But finally at the level of group performance we get to my Achilles heel and lifetime woe:  Nobody will ever see me for who I am.

A friend will see the Dom that performs the friendly engagement behavior mechanism,  and some things we say to some friends we never end up saying to others be it for various benign or vile reasons.  A lover will see another lovers behavior only when they are in love.  If I were to ever love somebody they would have to see me as I truly am,  naked and crying,  the way I left the womb.  I want my love to see my wrath,  my sadness, my paranoia,  my self love and my self pity.  If she could see this and accept it than she would be the only true woman living in the world to my eyes,  all others seem like cheap imitations thus far.

How can so many personalities fall into so few archetypes?  especially when it comes to psychedelic circles, where the raw personalities come out.  There is the Mans woman,  the ladies man.  The hopeless romantic,  the naive romantic,  the queen, the wench,  the dark beauty and light angel.  We are all bound into these circumstantial archetypes,  we are shaped by our locations, our food, our homes, our furniture,  our friends, our genes, our parents genes,  their parents genes,  the rotation of the earth,  the burning of the sun,  the pull of gravity,  the flight of electricity,  the sway of what's current and I will only tell you one thing:  Following the Current is what's current as it always is and always was. . . . Falling downward.

I don't want to be the T.V I now refuse to watch,  I don't want to be the bed I sleep in every night,  I don't to be my routine built around everyone Else's routine built around the days in the week.  The archetypes are our prisons and the bars are the folds of our brains built by favorable circumstances,  adaptation is the way out of the door and fearless change is the key.  In order for the soul to escape the current it must act as a harlequin,  a chameleon,  a cuttlefish.  Every little piece of sensory information whether it be damaging or not is taken into the brain.  The key is to be a cuttlefish with the mind akin to the external digestive gut of a fungus,  exposed to elements but free from predation or poison.  BE the poison NOT the drinker of it.  When the soul lives in this state long enough it must pick the right time to abscess the unnecessary limbs,  like the arms of the starfish,  the tail of a lizard,  and the tail of the frog.  Once this is done the vultures will be looking for more so the albatross must come out and take off across the ocean the vultures cannot cross.  This allows the soul to escape the current and if it must as it generally does it can cross into a new current by becoming the harlequin once again.

If you truly see me you will see I have been the camouflaged harlequin for sometime and a Lion lurks beneath my skin.

Syntactical Alchemy

Welcome back dear,  it's been so long.  The weeds have grown over us so black and cold,  all the blossoms of last spring have unfurled gently in their coalesced blue ultramarine hue.  After watching the black swan drown I connected with her dark rippling sheen. and I let it flow down, down,

far... . . .  .  .  .   .      .     .


down
into my introversion.  Deep seated perversions glowing deep red in the coals, and the hot yellow ash licks my spine.  Growing brighter, glowing, effervescent in the cowering,  she cries,  she lies,  she steams in the sepia oil streams.  Sweeeeet seeething,  deeeep greeeeeening,  preening my feathers timid from the blowing hot glass pooling drooling over the new dawn in her eyes,  cyan from the lukewarm heavenly slow,          ,static touching and sliding electricity,     ,  she flies,  she tries. . . . She lies when she cries she tires when she files down those indulgent purple ambitious dreams,  Flickering down the meandering tropic streams.

This was an example of my indulgent mind,  there are more pieces to the puzzle however.  I have always wondered about the placebo effect of psychology.  IF we are told the symbols of our dreams have a deep seated subconscious meaning,  we find this to be true.  IF we are told the right and left sides of our brains have different personalities,  we believe it.  My right and my left are married in a sacred dance.  My father and my left brain is obsessed with symbols,  math,  and the divine.  My mother and my right brain are flowing in the big picture,  the giant cosm of time,  and the occult.  It is as if they are possessed by an inclusive mandala of exclusion AND inclusion. When I write and draw with my left hand my mother comes out,  gaia.  The lines are never straight,  but the meaning never strays.  It sways in the rhythm of the wind,  a frequency I rarely get in sync with.  This was an example of my hybrid mind,  carrying out its indulgences rationally.  Now my purely cold and sterile rational.  This is pronounced "rash, ee, ooohne, al."

If I have an intention then I will have a reason. I have an intention. So I have a reason.

If I have a reason then I will have an intention. I do not have an intention. So I do not have reason.

If I have an intention for something then I will have a reason for it.

If I have a reason then I have used logic.

Therefore if I use Logic I have an intention for something.

If I have an intention for something then I desire a purpose for something.

I have an intention for something

Thus I desire a purpose for something.

If I desire a purpose for something then I have an intention for something.

If I have an intention for something then I am using logic.

Thus if I desire a purpose for something then I am using logic.

If I am using logic to satisfy a desire for something to have a purpose then that something will have a reason for me to desire it to have a purpose.

If that something has a reason then it has used logic.

If that something has used logic then it has an intention.

Therefore if I am using logic to satisfy a desire for something to have a purpose then that something has an intention.

However this statement is valid if and only if the reason for me to desire that something to have a purpose is identical to the reason I have used Logic. 

Next is the hybrid of chaos,  the hybrid of ideas that could never be thought without a formula of the truth beyond;  the truth beyond my reasons. The higher plane of truth,  alchemically produced. 

Welcome back dear,  it's been so long and your intentions are my reasons if I have an intention at all.  The weeds I have,  grown reason as I will have it, will then cover us so black and cold if only.. . . .

  all the blossoms if they have a reason I had last spring have an intention unfurled gently in their coalesced blue ultramarine hue I do not have anymore.  AND So I do not morn,  After watching the black swan drown, for I connected with her reasons.  Her intentionally dark rippling sheen. and I will then let it have me flow down, down, for I do not have a reason. 

I have fallen

far... . . .  .  .  .   .      .     .


than I was logically used to,

down into reasons,  If I have them. and only then I will therefore intend to find something,
far
down

into my introversion and Wasn't it something?    Deep seated perversions for something glowing deep red in the coals purpose I desire, and the hot yellow ash I have intended for licks my spine. SOME Thing is  Growing brighter, glowing, effervescent in the cowering did I have an intention for her?
 if she cries,  she lies about something;  if she steams then I desire.

in the sepia oil streams my purpose in thus used sweetly.  Sweeeeet seeething intentions,  deeeep greeeeeening perversions,  preening my feathers to show my intentions. Leaving her timid from my desires for the blowing hot purpose.

IF I am becoming glass to satisfy my desire which is pooling down my chest and drooling over my purposes the first dawn in her eyes gives me new reasons.  cyan makes me want to cry for it to have reason  for from the lukewarm I have cried for logic for if it has logic it is heavenly but the process is slow,


She lies when she says she has reasons.
when she cries I lose all the logic I have.
 when she tires I fuel those desires for purpose.
when she files down,
I reason down,
to the bone,
however.

those valid indulgent this as if purple flows reasonably into valid ambitious dreams honed by the valor of truth,

and

Flickering down the meandering tropic streams,  I see where our purpose truly lies,  I see where it hides.

We must be careful before we are forgotten.

Antipodes of thought

"Any trace of positive value judgment is a bad sign for a mind whose goal is to be objective." 

Finals are this week so you better believe I am going to be very distracted on here.

There is a very subtle difference between entertaining a person and inspiring them, it comes down to the values of what is being communicated. On one hand we have the goal of entertaining the person, this means to entice them; to show them pleasures and thrills reserved for the story books. When we want to entertain a person we have to show them the extremes to the point of absurdity, this will make them laugh, because it is something that violates their expectations and if it is powerful enough to be so capable of relation the person will laugh like they are a part of the piece and a part of their entertainers mind. This is my mnemonic method, and you can take it as you will. Arguing with my method is like arguing with recipe instructions, you can cook the pasta however you want, just don't make me eat it.

Another part of entertaining rather than inspiring is the art of appealing to the want for security, appreciation, and luxury. If we show these people somebody similar to them experiencing the wants of their mind in an imaginary realm, it is almost too easy to get them washed into the whirlpool of disillusionment. This is entertainment as a whole, an illusion of participation. This is why when the craft is done poorly one can feel very cheated, people do not want to be taken for fools or at least, they do not want to know about it. However there is the desire to be good at a craft as well, because we are conditioned since we are children to believe that if we do a certain craft phenomenally well we will become praised and loved. When the entertainer is applying his deception of participation it must be done in such a way that the viewer feels they are not only witnessing a phenomenal feat of the entertainers skill but also that their mind is being enriched while it is being engrossed. This stupefaction mixed with adoration garnishes respect for the creator and the illusion that the one being entertained walked away with more than he/she paid for. This is the cause for so much anthropomorphism in every doctrine of science, fiction, and philosophy. When we are told analogies for particles we are told that they behave like we do with attractions and repulsions to certain particles/ and laws they cannot disobey. I would like to pose a theory that if this anthropomorphism holds true and the world is much more subjective than we think, certain combinations of laws and particles can allow unheard of behavior much like the integration of human ideas.

The truth however is that the universe is both objective and subjective and there is never a clear cut distinction between when, how, or why it behaves this way. On one hand we have the different intrinsic qualities of matter yet they all seem to have a unified elementary composition, at least until they are fired through particle accelerators and then even more elementary particles pop up. From an objective standpoint this is a travesty, there must be a unified theory that shows deep down everything is all the same and the different vibrations that are pumped out by the different force charges create different ingredients to be utilized like a metaphorical flavor factory. Wouldn't this be ideal, but at the same time completely not. For a better understanding of what I am going to get at we must first look at these two definitions:

Ideal:

1. a conception of something in its perfection.
2. a standard of perfection or excellence.
3. a person or thing conceived as embodying such a conception or conforming to such a standard, and taken as a model for imitation

Standard:

1. something considered by an authority or by general consent as a basis of comparison; an approved model.

2. an object that is regarded as the usual or most common size or form of its kind: We stock the deluxe models as well as the standards.

3. a rule or principle that is used as a basis for judgment: They tried to establish standards for a new philosophical approach.

Now this may seem like “attack of the itallics” but I want to show what I see in the word ideal, it is the giant irony of language. It is a word with an ideal definition and thus fits the definition of circular reasoning, which essentially is not capable of having a definition without faulty logic. Because circular reasoning (first premise) is a use of reason that depends upon drawing a conclusion that is equivalent to the first premise (second premise). ^My first premise above: Circular reasoning, is equivalent to a use of reason which depends on my second premise above^ which is the definition of circular reasoning and thus is the equivalent to circular reasoning. And in the end circular reasoning is the equivalent of circular reasoning. * Cue applause *

What is the existence of anti bodies without the existence of the virus? Life is resisting itself so it can grow and change, death is the result and freedom is another way of saying death. Eternal sustenance is an ambition that requires the payment of freedom and indulgence. Unfortunately natural selection has already made that decision for us, we can't stop from dying on our wild ride of life and we need a savior that is also a martyr. Jesus is the food we consume, combust, and destroy, the liquid water that streams our cellular processes and preserves our embryos. God is the love that brings the zygotes of sex cells together but he is also the Satan that burns Jesus, his only son, in the name of life. These figureheads are only analogies for who we are and we project them upon something so large we will never understand it because of this, it is subjectivity at its strongest. Intelligent design was born out of science and it was fathered by religion. These giant end all theories of everything do more than emotionally sate our tongues so as to feed our souls, they motivate us and drive us. Humanity has stumbled on intelligence and found no motivation behind it, Intelligence is objectivity itself and without a viewing subject containing a little subjectivity to apply to this knowledge it is a seed without water. Nothing new will happen to reason without that chaotic element. What point am I finally getting at? None. Now might you ask the difference between entertaining and inspiring I can only say one thing; entertaining is stealing that wealth of energy in the universe to put into the subject leaving them awestruck and stupefied, inspiring is simply showing the subject they have always had this potential. I like to be the surfer between these waves of human behavior, first resisting the wave to ride it's potential and then falling in to be swept up it's rolling axis.