The drama of Humanity is a giant satire and I stand laughing off stage in the shadows, but sometimes when I get on stage I forget I am acting and the tears come out in light of the charade I must lead. I must go on with my life, we are the people that make the world worth living in. My aspirations started as the man who would change the world, latter the man who would change history, and now my aspirations are ever higher. I want to be the first man who has become truly content, I want to be able to approach the gates of heaven and ask them to let someone take my place because I have experienced all the fulfillment and joy I could ever need. Of course the great irony is that I must be able to make at least one other person feel the same way or else I cannot reach that point.
Even at the eve of death I never will be disappointed that I was born a human being!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
methods not up for consideration.
I can't help but contemplate the question that: if a feeling in a real life situation is mimicked in an unreal environment such as a dream, is it equivalent to experiencing that identical feeling in reality? My inevitable conclusion I have reached is that real experiences give the illusion of permanence and that idea of permanence fuels this ambition to achieve real goals. It is not so much that we want to feel the equivalent feeling that we are the greatest philosopher in the world for example but it's that we want to wake up the next day and know it was true and will be true even after we die. This illusion could be achieved in a month, as I estimate it off the top of my head. One whole month of waking up to being the greatest thinker on the planet would give the illusion of such stable contentment, I believe I wouldn't be able to wake up one day and find it to be a lie.
Even if one could achieve this experience of greatness for that long by random process, the confidence they would have running out in the final days could propel them into the world of actuality. This is the paradox of being raised up until the point we are at believing we are average, it is very hard to break out of this trend. That is why the best of us that triumph under such adversity are held in such high esteem, they abscess from this mode of conditioning that makes them believe they are average, somehow. The reasons why this is vary between situations, and it could even be argued that the person in question is conditioned to believe they are phenomenal in spite of being average. Good parental support in its essence. They could also be just dilusional enough to not accept any other alternatives other than greatness. I have a growing fear that this is me. I look around at what the world has to offer and somehow my vanity rejects it saying I can create greater things in my head, and even faster. This is true until my desires pervert all that could be into a frame of mind built by physical means. I can create a universe and feel empty and sad, destructive and mad, but most of all desperate and lonely.
If the greatest feeling of being human is to be loved and to love then the worst is to be unloved and alone. But this is a big IF. But then again. . . . . . how many living things on this earth are completely alone? Even in death we have life crawling under our skin, and every time we see insects this feeling takes over us sending shivers down our spines. Creeping us out .
My greatest conflict: Introversion or Extroversion,
My best alternative: base my course of action on reactionary procedures to interior and exterior conflicts.
My method for creating alternatives: changing what the conflict represents, thus turning a blind eye.
Some things just have to be taken head on to have any ground in the plane of truth. The edges must be clearly defined or else the plane becomes entangled.
Even if one could achieve this experience of greatness for that long by random process, the confidence they would have running out in the final days could propel them into the world of actuality. This is the paradox of being raised up until the point we are at believing we are average, it is very hard to break out of this trend. That is why the best of us that triumph under such adversity are held in such high esteem, they abscess from this mode of conditioning that makes them believe they are average, somehow. The reasons why this is vary between situations, and it could even be argued that the person in question is conditioned to believe they are phenomenal in spite of being average. Good parental support in its essence. They could also be just dilusional enough to not accept any other alternatives other than greatness. I have a growing fear that this is me. I look around at what the world has to offer and somehow my vanity rejects it saying I can create greater things in my head, and even faster. This is true until my desires pervert all that could be into a frame of mind built by physical means. I can create a universe and feel empty and sad, destructive and mad, but most of all desperate and lonely.
If the greatest feeling of being human is to be loved and to love then the worst is to be unloved and alone. But this is a big IF. But then again. . . . . . how many living things on this earth are completely alone? Even in death we have life crawling under our skin, and every time we see insects this feeling takes over us sending shivers down our spines. Creeping us out .
My greatest conflict: Introversion or Extroversion,
My best alternative: base my course of action on reactionary procedures to interior and exterior conflicts.
My method for creating alternatives: changing what the conflict represents, thus turning a blind eye.
Some things just have to be taken head on to have any ground in the plane of truth. The edges must be clearly defined or else the plane becomes entangled.
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