Saturday, February 28, 2009
Oh, and one more thing
Chelsea, I want to see those frogs you drew. Are you good at drawing? because if you are I want you to help me draw a wonderful rainforest full of frogs, ya know? Like a team effort, that would be so fun. And remind me to show you my drawing notebook. It has Hut chez and hot choss in it. If you don't remember who they are they have got candle sticks and are opening some doors for some really pissed off fours. (wow that last part rhymed and would make a sweet part in a song.)
For Kayanne
Good old kanye, where do I start? I see something in you that I am not quite sure as to what it is. I just sense a mild discomfort in something but again I am not sure what it is. All I know is that I think you need what I call "necessary isolation" but what Nietzche puts much better as the finding of the soul. He puts it as the way to find your self is to act as a camel and wander for miles away from what traps your soul. He then says to act as a lion, to clear enough room for the soul to breath, to find itself not be trapped. He then says to act as a child and start with complete innocence and clear mind. Not to forgive and forget but to literally reinvent your ideals, to willingly drop every preconception you had about life. I have yet to do this. and I am not saying follow this completely. I am saying that the only way that I have found truth, honesty, and what I GENUINELY WANT IN LIFE, was to experience my lonliest lonliness. To completely get rid of all factors that would effect my desires. After all,
How can you truly find yourself if you are in a room full of people?
But I am just going off of a hunch here so if I am wrong just disregard that. It is hard to think of anything that I havent already said to you so I will get to the point that I keep procrastinating, I love you, you are beautiful, and you are my perfect partner to rely on for my ultimate questions and unknown feelings, there will be no other like you except it shocks me so much because I thought that there was no one else like me.
How can you truly find yourself if you are in a room full of people?
But I am just going off of a hunch here so if I am wrong just disregard that. It is hard to think of anything that I havent already said to you so I will get to the point that I keep procrastinating, I love you, you are beautiful, and you are my perfect partner to rely on for my ultimate questions and unknown feelings, there will be no other like you except it shocks me so much because I thought that there was no one else like me.
Sequel to questions we ask; answers we choose.
Of all the flooding thoughts, of all the feelings in the world, of all the begginings, ends, and journeys. Of them all is why I must be here. It seems that I must change my attitudes and change my perspective for this moment in my life. What should my new answer to life be today? Why do I live? Lets just pick at random from all the assorted reasons in my stockpile, oh I dont know, how about the meaning to life is for me to serve god. Alright this one can give me comfort and closure as a nice safety net. A lot better than my choice the other day, my purpose for that day was to be a great musician. Hey mayby my purpose was to be a doctor and I shall save other people. Or mayby I could pick the purpose of nothingness and I must live my life well because I only live once........
Why do we do that? It is as if we as human beings feel the need to have one explaination or lets say, philosophy for our lives in order to feel comfortable throughout the day. Without some sort of mental safety net we live with anxiety it seems. What if you told a christian he/she could not believe in god for a day, and not forced. Like this person genuinely would just forget about him and/or have 100% disbelief. How cruel. What if you told a person who has led a full life that they had to spend a day thinking that they had led the most inisignificant and meaningless life possible? Torture.
We know how it makes us feel but do we know why we need it? Is that what meaning is to us? Just something to satisfy to rid that spirtual anxiety? Would that make it a lie? Just like a one night stand, do we just use purpose to feel satisfied and get rid of lonliness. Is higher pupose just a whore? If it is something to be used is it not also something to be loved? Can Higher purpose be like a significant other? A life partner? But it can't be it seems to change so much.
But is that to find the one that is right? With this in mind consider the following scenario;
Sequel to questions we ask:
What if you were to be born into total nothingness? What if you were to live a life without the need for food, water, or any physical need. What if you were to live out your whole life in this state. And than what if you were given a pen at the same time you were born. This pen can write all around you when you use it. Would this area that you were born into not contain thousands upon thousands of pictures drawn of pens? The one thing you know? Would the walls also contain pictures of hands, arms, legs, and a whole person that looks just like you? But wouldn't this person also not have a face in these drawings? But here is a higher question, what would your purpose be? What would you feel as to your purpose in life? Would it be to draw and tell stories about this pen? Would you feel the desire for a purpose at all? What if a person gave you praise and reward everytime you drew something? Would that not feel like your ultimate purpose? Perhaps that is what we do in real life, draw off of other people for our purposes and causes. What if you were to take this person living in this world that was under the impression that his purpose was to draw, and put him into our world. Would he not cry out in total apathy? His whole entire life cause was a lie, it was for nothing. The incredble amount of acetic information would completely overwhelm this person. Perhaps this is something that we should consider in our own lives, we should find our causes without the influence of other people, mayby our cause was wrong and for nothing so we should be open for new ones, because there is a much bigger world out there than where we have known.
Why do we do that? It is as if we as human beings feel the need to have one explaination or lets say, philosophy for our lives in order to feel comfortable throughout the day. Without some sort of mental safety net we live with anxiety it seems. What if you told a christian he/she could not believe in god for a day, and not forced. Like this person genuinely would just forget about him and/or have 100% disbelief. How cruel. What if you told a person who has led a full life that they had to spend a day thinking that they had led the most inisignificant and meaningless life possible? Torture.
We know how it makes us feel but do we know why we need it? Is that what meaning is to us? Just something to satisfy to rid that spirtual anxiety? Would that make it a lie? Just like a one night stand, do we just use purpose to feel satisfied and get rid of lonliness. Is higher pupose just a whore? If it is something to be used is it not also something to be loved? Can Higher purpose be like a significant other? A life partner? But it can't be it seems to change so much.
But is that to find the one that is right? With this in mind consider the following scenario;
Sequel to questions we ask:
What if you were to be born into total nothingness? What if you were to live a life without the need for food, water, or any physical need. What if you were to live out your whole life in this state. And than what if you were given a pen at the same time you were born. This pen can write all around you when you use it. Would this area that you were born into not contain thousands upon thousands of pictures drawn of pens? The one thing you know? Would the walls also contain pictures of hands, arms, legs, and a whole person that looks just like you? But wouldn't this person also not have a face in these drawings? But here is a higher question, what would your purpose be? What would you feel as to your purpose in life? Would it be to draw and tell stories about this pen? Would you feel the desire for a purpose at all? What if a person gave you praise and reward everytime you drew something? Would that not feel like your ultimate purpose? Perhaps that is what we do in real life, draw off of other people for our purposes and causes. What if you were to take this person living in this world that was under the impression that his purpose was to draw, and put him into our world. Would he not cry out in total apathy? His whole entire life cause was a lie, it was for nothing. The incredble amount of acetic information would completely overwhelm this person. Perhaps this is something that we should consider in our own lives, we should find our causes without the influence of other people, mayby our cause was wrong and for nothing so we should be open for new ones, because there is a much bigger world out there than where we have known.
For Chelsea
Wow, I just want to blurt something out that I was thinking the whole time I read "the package", your written responses always seem to emotionally knock me on my ass! lol. And I have to do you some justice and explain why these time invested responses are such a shock to me;
I am most definitely not used to someone actually caring for me at the level you guys (technically I should say girls because that would just be you and kanya*) do. By this I mean something that is close to my heart, that is my writing. Sure I have gotten plenty of people that read my stuff all the time and follow it and leave comments. But by the end of their comments I become disgusted and actually humorous. Because I realize the more I read it, the more I realise that they most definitely did not read it all the way through if not at all. and not only that but they show no sign of intellectual compassion but rather, and I wish I had a better way to put this but, " Poor Dom, he seems to be really sad and bothered by his life, I better leave a comment saying good job on your writing." So that is a minor reason why what you wrote brought tears to my eyes but to resist cheesiness and let cheese come forth from your computer speakers let me explain because I think you will agree,
I would have to say that for a moment reading your responses I felt the hand of god, but only for a moment. That could be one the most sweetest moments I am not sure. but I was reading your responses and you said that word again, that word that is so strange to me it almost feels unreal, beautiful. Wow. that's all I can say. you didn't just pluck my heart strings you tore them right out! lol. yah I said it. and after that something that made me smile with contentment and unwarily set me up for some of the strangest coincidences of my life, "that's vibrancy, How does he get it already?" I want to also know what you mean by this and say one thing, whenever I hear, speak, write, or think of the word vibrancy I think of you. I do not know if that means anything and I am not the person who judges vibrancy, Chelsea Baines is. At least she is the only person I know that judges it. (yah I know besides god you are but that should be obvious.) and I think that YOUR vibrancy level is something that you will have to find for yourself. Because in my book you are all A+'s and shiny golden stars. Somewhere in your writing I believe you said that you fucked up what your parents raised you into. But I believe whether or not they (or you) know it they gave you one thing or maybe you could say god gave you, free will. Because it would be something incredibly hard, maybe even harder than some of my biggest quests, to see where you fucked things up. because you definitely did not fuck up in a single sentence in my book of life. but that's just me YOU are going to have to find your vibrancy and that's something that I will stress upon in a second.
The part of your response that made me feel some sort of touch of god, and I hate to say "made" because the indication that I felt the power of something higher means that you were not the total cause of it. Especially because you were using it to say something else after. But man did you strike a good note with me and here's a quote of what you said,
"I think this is how people live out their individual purposes"
wow, that is exactly just like what I wrote in my absence of talking (to almost everyone) for the past week or so. I will post that rambling after this one so you can see what I am talking about. I felt such a connection that I was thoroughly convinced for a second, things seemed to perfect. and to top it off I went onto facebook and discovered that my status changed from, "dom needs a push" to "Dom has his push" and I was trying to remember if or why I posted that status and was drawing blanks. wow, THAT is why you will be my forever friend. and actually I want to do something between me you and kayanne. I want to have a three way forever friend wedding between us. With cake, ceremony, cathedral, the whole mix. (including honeymoon and SEX? lol bahahahahaahahahahaha sorry I couldn't resist thinking how funny it would be if I used this as a way to convince you guys to do a three way with me. That would be the funniest attempt I could ever make in my life. lol. wow. there are some jokes that I wish I could carry out and than laugh whole heartedly and than go back in time and do what I seriously wanted to do)
There was also one thing that I had to say and it was about one thing that you said it was, "Friends, while they bring me the most joy in life, they also cause me the most pain and heartbreak"
Talk about heaven smacking you in the face, don't you see that this is vibrancy? This thing with Eric, it needs to be confronted. It doesn't necessarily have to be with him either, it has to be with yourself. because as much as I love you (and for some reason that is a hard thing for me to say to people, especially when I say it in sincerity) I am going to leave you, Kayanne, everyone for a LONG time. I have a journey that needs to be taken, reluctantly mostly by myself. And I am doing this on purpose. It is something that needs to be done. and I am not sure if that is something in your friendships that is going to bring you pain. So I need to know if you feel the need for vibrancy in this beautiful (another hard word) relationship, the same as life. There needs to be more than happiness between friends, there needs to be love, unconditional love. Because when I am gone you guys will weigh heavy on my heart but will also strengthen the love evermore. This no speak week was just my own little test to see how that plays out. Because I love you, your beautiful, and you need to find how vibrant you are for yourself.
*I made a spelling error on kanye but liked it so much I kept it. and I finally remembered to explain my * thingys. score!
I am most definitely not used to someone actually caring for me at the level you guys (technically I should say girls because that would just be you and kanya*) do. By this I mean something that is close to my heart, that is my writing. Sure I have gotten plenty of people that read my stuff all the time and follow it and leave comments. But by the end of their comments I become disgusted and actually humorous. Because I realize the more I read it, the more I realise that they most definitely did not read it all the way through if not at all. and not only that but they show no sign of intellectual compassion but rather, and I wish I had a better way to put this but, " Poor Dom, he seems to be really sad and bothered by his life, I better leave a comment saying good job on your writing." So that is a minor reason why what you wrote brought tears to my eyes but to resist cheesiness and let cheese come forth from your computer speakers let me explain because I think you will agree,
I would have to say that for a moment reading your responses I felt the hand of god, but only for a moment. That could be one the most sweetest moments I am not sure. but I was reading your responses and you said that word again, that word that is so strange to me it almost feels unreal, beautiful. Wow. that's all I can say. you didn't just pluck my heart strings you tore them right out! lol. yah I said it. and after that something that made me smile with contentment and unwarily set me up for some of the strangest coincidences of my life, "that's vibrancy, How does he get it already?" I want to also know what you mean by this and say one thing, whenever I hear, speak, write, or think of the word vibrancy I think of you. I do not know if that means anything and I am not the person who judges vibrancy, Chelsea Baines is. At least she is the only person I know that judges it. (yah I know besides god you are but that should be obvious.) and I think that YOUR vibrancy level is something that you will have to find for yourself. Because in my book you are all A+'s and shiny golden stars. Somewhere in your writing I believe you said that you fucked up what your parents raised you into. But I believe whether or not they (or you) know it they gave you one thing or maybe you could say god gave you, free will. Because it would be something incredibly hard, maybe even harder than some of my biggest quests, to see where you fucked things up. because you definitely did not fuck up in a single sentence in my book of life. but that's just me YOU are going to have to find your vibrancy and that's something that I will stress upon in a second.
The part of your response that made me feel some sort of touch of god, and I hate to say "made" because the indication that I felt the power of something higher means that you were not the total cause of it. Especially because you were using it to say something else after. But man did you strike a good note with me and here's a quote of what you said,
"I think this is how people live out their individual purposes"
wow, that is exactly just like what I wrote in my absence of talking (to almost everyone) for the past week or so. I will post that rambling after this one so you can see what I am talking about. I felt such a connection that I was thoroughly convinced for a second, things seemed to perfect. and to top it off I went onto facebook and discovered that my status changed from, "dom needs a push" to "Dom has his push" and I was trying to remember if or why I posted that status and was drawing blanks. wow, THAT is why you will be my forever friend. and actually I want to do something between me you and kayanne. I want to have a three way forever friend wedding between us. With cake, ceremony, cathedral, the whole mix. (including honeymoon and SEX? lol bahahahahaahahahahaha sorry I couldn't resist thinking how funny it would be if I used this as a way to convince you guys to do a three way with me. That would be the funniest attempt I could ever make in my life. lol. wow. there are some jokes that I wish I could carry out and than laugh whole heartedly and than go back in time and do what I seriously wanted to do)
There was also one thing that I had to say and it was about one thing that you said it was, "Friends, while they bring me the most joy in life, they also cause me the most pain and heartbreak"
Talk about heaven smacking you in the face, don't you see that this is vibrancy? This thing with Eric, it needs to be confronted. It doesn't necessarily have to be with him either, it has to be with yourself. because as much as I love you (and for some reason that is a hard thing for me to say to people, especially when I say it in sincerity) I am going to leave you, Kayanne, everyone for a LONG time. I have a journey that needs to be taken, reluctantly mostly by myself. And I am doing this on purpose. It is something that needs to be done. and I am not sure if that is something in your friendships that is going to bring you pain. So I need to know if you feel the need for vibrancy in this beautiful (another hard word) relationship, the same as life. There needs to be more than happiness between friends, there needs to be love, unconditional love. Because when I am gone you guys will weigh heavy on my heart but will also strengthen the love evermore. This no speak week was just my own little test to see how that plays out. Because I love you, your beautiful, and you need to find how vibrant you are for yourself.
*I made a spelling error on kanye but liked it so much I kept it. and I finally remembered to explain my * thingys. score!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The end for a while
This is the end, my only friend, the end. but I am not going to put another post on this for a little while and go on a reconnaissance mission. I am vomited out.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Time, existance, everything......
Ah now I remember why I started to hate philosophy so much, now I remember why I got to the point I got to. Now I remember why I wanted to drown these thoughts out. It was the question of existance, the question of time. Is there meaning to existance? That is a yes or a no answer but it is the hardest question to ask. It is not hard to understand if there was no meaning to existance but at the same time it is so undesirable that we can't imagine it any other way.
I do not just mean is there a meaning to life, but is there a meaning for rocks, gravity, stars, planets, fire, ect.... Notice I made a list of things, because I could not just say is there a meaning to matter itself. There are laws that come with matter such as gravity, combustion, and thermonuclear dynamics. Also note that the laws I stated are laws we discovered by creating them. Laws are such a funny thing. Like for example what about the laws of mathematics? What if instead of counting to 10 and than repeating we counted to 7, 12, or 15? Everything would be different. Is each one credible? yes. But which one would find discoveries the quickest? What if the answer to all of the greatest unknown annomalies of math could have been discovered using a different system? Or even better would a different system lead to the same conclusions?
So are the laws of the universe because of matter or is matter because of the laws of the universe? If matter was because of the laws of the universe that could mean that there is a governing force such as a god to dictate matter. The reverse would also be true.
what about time? Is time something that only exists because we perceive it to be there? What do the rocks care if time stops or starts? If time was something that could be stopped or started without effect, what if time went in a loop? Is infinity not just a big circle? what is a circle but something that goes over itself? Every cirlce has to have a beggining but it does not necessarily have to have an end. What if thats what existance was? A circle. Could it be started with or without a "god"?
One other question, what does god think of procreation? If god made us to die why did he make us to procreate? If god designs each person before he/she is born how come they look the same as, act the same as, and have the same genes as their mother and father? When does a person officially have a soul? Is it when they first see the light of day? but I thought babies kicked in the womb. A soul as people define it sounds like a type of parisite to me. something that lives inside a "host" (your body, which technically isn't yours if it is not an extension of your soul.), and then uses your body as a medium until it dies and the soul can escape. If your body is an extension of your soul than you officially have a soul at fertilization. But wouldn't that make eggs and sperm potential souls? If thats the case I have killed a lot of young souls. lol. but so have you so I wouldn't laugh. So back to god, why design something that; you only get to design once and than it handles itself on its own from there, That will die but procreate something that is not his (gods) own but shared with the parents, Give them all a doomsday that will not enable some new souls be born or for anyone to grow enough to understand why their parents are being eaten by demons?
It is like Adam was the firstborn child and we are the youngest. I wan't to be a birth from the holy father. why can't I be? He is not my father, he is my great anscestrial grandfathers father. Why should I see him when I die and not my birth father who really made me, "in his image"
but I will not allow the same thing to happen that happened the last time I asked questions like this. I may not know my purpose but I sure as hell know that I want one and forgetting about it and indulging in superficialism is not going to solve anything. Obviously I cannot run from these questions. (even physically although I thought I could for a while.)
I do not just mean is there a meaning to life, but is there a meaning for rocks, gravity, stars, planets, fire, ect.... Notice I made a list of things, because I could not just say is there a meaning to matter itself. There are laws that come with matter such as gravity, combustion, and thermonuclear dynamics. Also note that the laws I stated are laws we discovered by creating them. Laws are such a funny thing. Like for example what about the laws of mathematics? What if instead of counting to 10 and than repeating we counted to 7, 12, or 15? Everything would be different. Is each one credible? yes. But which one would find discoveries the quickest? What if the answer to all of the greatest unknown annomalies of math could have been discovered using a different system? Or even better would a different system lead to the same conclusions?
So are the laws of the universe because of matter or is matter because of the laws of the universe? If matter was because of the laws of the universe that could mean that there is a governing force such as a god to dictate matter. The reverse would also be true.
what about time? Is time something that only exists because we perceive it to be there? What do the rocks care if time stops or starts? If time was something that could be stopped or started without effect, what if time went in a loop? Is infinity not just a big circle? what is a circle but something that goes over itself? Every cirlce has to have a beggining but it does not necessarily have to have an end. What if thats what existance was? A circle. Could it be started with or without a "god"?
One other question, what does god think of procreation? If god made us to die why did he make us to procreate? If god designs each person before he/she is born how come they look the same as, act the same as, and have the same genes as their mother and father? When does a person officially have a soul? Is it when they first see the light of day? but I thought babies kicked in the womb. A soul as people define it sounds like a type of parisite to me. something that lives inside a "host" (your body, which technically isn't yours if it is not an extension of your soul.), and then uses your body as a medium until it dies and the soul can escape. If your body is an extension of your soul than you officially have a soul at fertilization. But wouldn't that make eggs and sperm potential souls? If thats the case I have killed a lot of young souls. lol. but so have you so I wouldn't laugh. So back to god, why design something that; you only get to design once and than it handles itself on its own from there, That will die but procreate something that is not his (gods) own but shared with the parents, Give them all a doomsday that will not enable some new souls be born or for anyone to grow enough to understand why their parents are being eaten by demons?
It is like Adam was the firstborn child and we are the youngest. I wan't to be a birth from the holy father. why can't I be? He is not my father, he is my great anscestrial grandfathers father. Why should I see him when I die and not my birth father who really made me, "in his image"
but I will not allow the same thing to happen that happened the last time I asked questions like this. I may not know my purpose but I sure as hell know that I want one and forgetting about it and indulging in superficialism is not going to solve anything. Obviously I cannot run from these questions. (even physically although I thought I could for a while.)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
It hurts inside
I wrote my apology letter to the school that I got swat raided in. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Because I had to say everything that I do not want to say. I truly have my tail between my legs on this one. It actually physically hurts my stomach really bad to say that we fully deserved our punishment. Ah, wow. I just found out that my ethics class is cancelled. That just put the nail in the coffin. Good Lord what did I do? Actually I have done a lot of "wrong" things. But is that justice? How?! I rarely try to harm my fellow man. I have tried and tried to be as honest as possible in this life. I have not given up and I will not give up either! This is just further motivation for me to try and change this fucked up world. It did not used to be that way.
The world never used to be fucked up. We fucked it up, I contributed too.
You cannot say that the laws you force upon me are just in any sort of way. Your precious freedom. America is not truly free, even the biggest half wit knows that. Freedom cannot be a right, it has to be something earned. If you want to make freedom a right than why don't you make it so people never have to work their whole lives? Why don't you give people a reason not to wrong each other? Why don't you suck it up and actually make this place free? Because freedom is not just, that is apparent.
I am in no way saying that I know what is just if that is what you are thinking too, but I know injustice when I see it. I know what I desire as a human being, and I most definitely know what are the right things to desire and the wrong things to desire. Yes, you have a government that gives people the opportunity to become "great" by superficial standards. But your government shits on spiritual greatness. It gives greed the freedom, to consume any person with a potential for spiritual greatness. You tell us what we want and then in turn give us a chance to choose. Does that make any sense to you?
The biggest mistake that you can EVER make is to think that man is the meaning and answer of all things. Nietzche nailed that one for sure. and one more thing,
mercy will always remain the priviledge of the more powerful man.
Oh how I want to tell that to your priviledged naive face, but I won't. I would rather let you live your miserable little life and find out for yourself that your life has less meaning than you thought it did. I had to find out on my own, so do you.
Progress is a beautiful thing isn't it? Just cause this is America is no reason to hinder my progress to benifit your own.
Thats a little better. I finally let out a little bit of that corrosive material in my head.
The world never used to be fucked up. We fucked it up, I contributed too.
You cannot say that the laws you force upon me are just in any sort of way. Your precious freedom. America is not truly free, even the biggest half wit knows that. Freedom cannot be a right, it has to be something earned. If you want to make freedom a right than why don't you make it so people never have to work their whole lives? Why don't you give people a reason not to wrong each other? Why don't you suck it up and actually make this place free? Because freedom is not just, that is apparent.
I am in no way saying that I know what is just if that is what you are thinking too, but I know injustice when I see it. I know what I desire as a human being, and I most definitely know what are the right things to desire and the wrong things to desire. Yes, you have a government that gives people the opportunity to become "great" by superficial standards. But your government shits on spiritual greatness. It gives greed the freedom, to consume any person with a potential for spiritual greatness. You tell us what we want and then in turn give us a chance to choose. Does that make any sense to you?
The biggest mistake that you can EVER make is to think that man is the meaning and answer of all things. Nietzche nailed that one for sure. and one more thing,
mercy will always remain the priviledge of the more powerful man.
Oh how I want to tell that to your priviledged naive face, but I won't. I would rather let you live your miserable little life and find out for yourself that your life has less meaning than you thought it did. I had to find out on my own, so do you.
Progress is a beautiful thing isn't it? Just cause this is America is no reason to hinder my progress to benifit your own.
Thats a little better. I finally let out a little bit of that corrosive material in my head.
Another awesome thing
That Leo has decided he wants to go with me in my plans to see the world. That makes me so happy. I will do everything possible in my power and beyond it to make that happen.
Nihilism defined. (for a friend.)
The direct translation of the word= nothing. But a better way to call it would be, a will to nothing.
Here is a direct qoute,
"Nihilism is not only a meditating over the "in vain!" not only the belief that everything deserves to perish; but one actually puts one's shoulder to the plough; one destroys. This, if you will, is illogical; but the Nihilist does not believe in the necessity of being logical."
I am not going to explain this one because I think he did a great job explaining it.
There are two forms of Nihilism:
A. Nihilism as a sign of enhanced spiritual strength: active Nihilism.
B. Nihilism as a sign of the collapse and decline of spiritual strength: passive Nihilsm.
I see active Nihilism as the adaption to the realization that you have nothing to believe in. All those people that say you only live once so they do everything. They are active Nihilists. The whole sixties time period was active Nihilism.
I see passive Nihilism as the defensive reaction to the realization that you have nothing to believe in. That you will break down in anticapation of what is inevitable. That there is no purpose, fuck it: to put it bluntly.
Nietzsche predicted Nihilism would be the result if christianity were to be proved wrong and science lost through corruption.
I also like this qoute by Nietzsche,
"Annihilation by the reasoning faculty seconds annihilation by the hand."
This reminds me of the rules of faith and how Christianity follows the same rules of Nihilism. That you have to believe in god before you can understand him. Mayby as a sign that christianity is a very human complex? possibly?
Here you go sorry I can't quite articulate what I mean in conversation as well as I can in writing.
Here is a direct qoute,
"Nihilism is not only a meditating over the "in vain!" not only the belief that everything deserves to perish; but one actually puts one's shoulder to the plough; one destroys. This, if you will, is illogical; but the Nihilist does not believe in the necessity of being logical."
I am not going to explain this one because I think he did a great job explaining it.
There are two forms of Nihilism:
A. Nihilism as a sign of enhanced spiritual strength: active Nihilism.
B. Nihilism as a sign of the collapse and decline of spiritual strength: passive Nihilsm.
I see active Nihilism as the adaption to the realization that you have nothing to believe in. All those people that say you only live once so they do everything. They are active Nihilists. The whole sixties time period was active Nihilism.
I see passive Nihilism as the defensive reaction to the realization that you have nothing to believe in. That you will break down in anticapation of what is inevitable. That there is no purpose, fuck it: to put it bluntly.
Nietzsche predicted Nihilism would be the result if christianity were to be proved wrong and science lost through corruption.
I also like this qoute by Nietzsche,
"Annihilation by the reasoning faculty seconds annihilation by the hand."
This reminds me of the rules of faith and how Christianity follows the same rules of Nihilism. That you have to believe in god before you can understand him. Mayby as a sign that christianity is a very human complex? possibly?
Here you go sorry I can't quite articulate what I mean in conversation as well as I can in writing.
Ok
I just felt a moment of cockiness and pride and it pissed me the fuck off. I hate that. I think I have some issues with pride cuz I hate feeling it at all. I think thats also why I can't take a compliment very well.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
of all the sweetest things in life, MUSIC
Of all the unsolved mysteries and of all of earths complexities music is by far the zenith of any feeling I can embrace. What a gift it is to have an escape such as music. Amplification is musics' business and it is good at it. Take whatever feeling you have at any moment and if given the right song it will shock you to your core. Music is completely inexplicable and literally impossible to explain in words. It can sooth you at your lowest low and make you feel higher than you have ever felt before.
Music has a way with giving you strength. When you have reached that lowest low it dares you to feel lower, it amplifies your feeling of sadness and gives it depth you have never known before. It is almost as if when you are sad you want to listen to a sad song and feel even MORE sad. And yet it is almost as if that song brought you down to the bottom to humble you and than bounce you back up to strengthen you.
And what does it do to you when you feel as if life couldn't get any better? It injects such a happiness in you that your body cannot stay still. You flail your limbs in motions never done before but they are in such harmony the music complements you with a shudder of happiness down your spine. The buildups the break downs the bridges and the pure ecstasy of the chorus that quenches that unknown thirst of yours.
Music can take you to places you could and never will see again. When a story is told in song it comes alive in your mind and runs deep inside it pulling you with. You have to sing along and whatever the lyrics are it doesn't matter. They can sound like you want them to sound like and mean what you want them to mean. Nothing is more malleable than song meaning.
and there are those moments where the music can perfectly explain how you feel. Each line in the song further making you so amazed at how well it captures your deepest most profound thoughts and as if that wasn't enough, it ties into your current situation and flirts with your past. How does it do that? The lyrics can sometimes describe the scene around you and say things that have come to pass right in front of your very eyes and you can't help but wonder, " How could this song not be any more perfect for my life?"
Music is something you love to drown in, it is something you love to get lost in. It is a friend, a passage, a sign, an embrace, providing total meaning, and magically a step above perfection. Music is something that you can go inside and float in, never returning until it lulls you back into reality. the transitions are seamless and perfect, the guidance of it couldn't be any more reassuring. It can give insight that is beyond any amount of time spent searching.
Music can give you a single answer but open your mind at the same time. The lessons learned inside the timewarp of a song are life long and feel timeless. It gives you such an infinite feeling in under 5 minutes.
but wait that is just what it is like to listen to music. What happens when you create music? Could such a thing be done? It happens so well you feel like it enveloped you. The music itself told you where to take it and when it opened up to you its sound captivated your wonder. What is a better joy than to play your favorite song and sing it in your room? What better friend to keep you company than a guitar when it is late at night and all you want is an embrace. The best way to describe the greatest taste for your mind would be for your favorite song to resonate around the quiet room and soak into your body.
When you play music it is like it is literally coming straight out of your body as something that you can feel allover in return. but wait I haven't even mentioned writing music.
A well written poem can be greater than all the books of your lifetime. A well written song can give your life better meaning than can be described. All it takes is for that song to hit you in that critical moment and it almost always does.
Music can heal, honor, represent, comfort, and be everywhere at once. When humanity is long dead and gone the universe will join the planets and galaxies in harmony as the eternal song echoes through space and time with the asteroids thumping, the suns exploding, and the stars blinking to the universal beat.
Music can also take on very many forms, colors, and images. If music is one thing it is this, the union of humanity and their love of that infinite beat of eternity.
Music has a way with giving you strength. When you have reached that lowest low it dares you to feel lower, it amplifies your feeling of sadness and gives it depth you have never known before. It is almost as if when you are sad you want to listen to a sad song and feel even MORE sad. And yet it is almost as if that song brought you down to the bottom to humble you and than bounce you back up to strengthen you.
And what does it do to you when you feel as if life couldn't get any better? It injects such a happiness in you that your body cannot stay still. You flail your limbs in motions never done before but they are in such harmony the music complements you with a shudder of happiness down your spine. The buildups the break downs the bridges and the pure ecstasy of the chorus that quenches that unknown thirst of yours.
Music can take you to places you could and never will see again. When a story is told in song it comes alive in your mind and runs deep inside it pulling you with. You have to sing along and whatever the lyrics are it doesn't matter. They can sound like you want them to sound like and mean what you want them to mean. Nothing is more malleable than song meaning.
and there are those moments where the music can perfectly explain how you feel. Each line in the song further making you so amazed at how well it captures your deepest most profound thoughts and as if that wasn't enough, it ties into your current situation and flirts with your past. How does it do that? The lyrics can sometimes describe the scene around you and say things that have come to pass right in front of your very eyes and you can't help but wonder, " How could this song not be any more perfect for my life?"
Music is something you love to drown in, it is something you love to get lost in. It is a friend, a passage, a sign, an embrace, providing total meaning, and magically a step above perfection. Music is something that you can go inside and float in, never returning until it lulls you back into reality. the transitions are seamless and perfect, the guidance of it couldn't be any more reassuring. It can give insight that is beyond any amount of time spent searching.
Music can give you a single answer but open your mind at the same time. The lessons learned inside the timewarp of a song are life long and feel timeless. It gives you such an infinite feeling in under 5 minutes.
but wait that is just what it is like to listen to music. What happens when you create music? Could such a thing be done? It happens so well you feel like it enveloped you. The music itself told you where to take it and when it opened up to you its sound captivated your wonder. What is a better joy than to play your favorite song and sing it in your room? What better friend to keep you company than a guitar when it is late at night and all you want is an embrace. The best way to describe the greatest taste for your mind would be for your favorite song to resonate around the quiet room and soak into your body.
When you play music it is like it is literally coming straight out of your body as something that you can feel allover in return. but wait I haven't even mentioned writing music.
A well written poem can be greater than all the books of your lifetime. A well written song can give your life better meaning than can be described. All it takes is for that song to hit you in that critical moment and it almost always does.
Music can heal, honor, represent, comfort, and be everywhere at once. When humanity is long dead and gone the universe will join the planets and galaxies in harmony as the eternal song echoes through space and time with the asteroids thumping, the suns exploding, and the stars blinking to the universal beat.
Music can also take on very many forms, colors, and images. If music is one thing it is this, the union of humanity and their love of that infinite beat of eternity.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Discorse, my anti-drug
What is wrong with me? The hardest thing to understand in my life is myself. It is like I enjoy being sad more than being happy. That in itself is sad.
Nothing, I repeat, nothing will make a happy person more annoyed than a pessimistic person and same with the reverse. What is the difference between love and happiness? I will tell you. Because I believe this firmly, That happiness is something that can be horribly biased and selfish. But love can be something unconditional. I know that my happiness is. I feel like a horrible person at times because I love my friends, I love people in general. but sometimes it can be at the expense of my own happiness.
and it can make me feel selfish at times. How can I demand so much from someone that I have spent some of my greatest memories with? I can remember what they used to be like and they have changed. What happened to you kevin? You were my only other deep conversation friend and now you will not have a real conversation with me ever. How hard is it to have someone that I can talk to? Someone that will admit that they feel desperation, that they feel lonly and unsure, that sometimes they do not fell real, that mayby you shouldn't lie to yourself and say you are happy. Oh how I miss you! but you are not that person anymore. I can see it. YOu have become a complete perversion of that friend I knew. As if someone took the best traits in you and turned them into their opposite. What a shame. Mayby its the drugs. but thats what I get for being sympathetic to those "people" right?
but friends are a weird thing and this should be a separate post so I will separate it. If they are not there you can do without them. But when they are there you feel such a pang in your heart when they are gone. It is always right after you are done hanging out with a friend that things feel lonely, out of place, and just crap. But after a night it goes away. It is like friends are a drug. It is like they can be abused like one too. When do you call them up? only when you need them.
and you know what? Its about time I said a thing or two about drugs. Is it against them? yes. but it is in a totally different way that you will see in a second. So first to clarify my intent with a question, Why did I do drugs?
Here is the part where I start to sound weird. It was to drown out thoughts. It was to make my life real. It was to dumb myself down until I was happy. For the longest time my phrase has always been,
Knowledge is power but ignorance is bliss.
And I followed that with everything. Because the more you start to think about your life the more you realize that if you want to be happy you are going to have to pretend like certain things are not there. and thats why I don't quite like happiness. I like TRUE happiness. So I thought, How am I going to make myself dumber? The best solution was a temporary dumbness with drugs. Eventually that became a self perscribed medication and it did its job well.
but wow were they overrated. I was given the impression that they would make you see cool things. They sure did but also practically blacked out and distorted everything else around that thing. And the visuals were not fun. They were disturbing and horrible. Not only that but the cost to see and feel these things people talk about is not worth it whatsoever. You feel poisoned your body feels damaged and your mind is struggling to breath amongst the toxic fear. I was given the impression that they would make you feel good. but what is that worth when it is over? It makes real life seem bad and that was something that I never wanted. At the least life was already bad enough. not saying I don't like life, Im just saying why would you want it to become dull unless you actively change it with another hit?
but they did do something good. I am not that biased. They awoken something in me that had been suppressed by emotion and fear. There was a part of me that said, "suck it up and confront your questions you fear so much, confront everything." because thats who I am. I never want something to be a lie when I can do something about it. If I would have kept doing drugs I would have gotten a good job, a nice wife, and settled down with some kids and I would have become an active part of the community. And that is not who I am! I want to find the truth. I want to use every part of who I am to find my cause, to find the noblest cause, to make a difference for the better, to desire something higher, to discover. What a great feeling, discovering something new. But is this the harder path? of course.
Like I said before I do not want to take the easy road out of life. The easy road of happiness. I want TRUE happiness. something earned. Even if its in a moment or I do not find it at all I will do it until I die. I do not want money or any sort of material possesions. I do not want status. I want discovery. I want to find my cause. I want to be something more. To find something higher. I want to live on a meager living and be actively and constantly searching, thinking, discovering, learning, and although I hate to admit it teaching. I only like to lead by exampe though and thats why I would not be a good teacher. I cannot plant the seed of knowledge I can only lead by example so others can learn. And to say one last thing I have a huge respect for those who can teach.
Nothing, I repeat, nothing will make a happy person more annoyed than a pessimistic person and same with the reverse. What is the difference between love and happiness? I will tell you. Because I believe this firmly, That happiness is something that can be horribly biased and selfish. But love can be something unconditional. I know that my happiness is. I feel like a horrible person at times because I love my friends, I love people in general. but sometimes it can be at the expense of my own happiness.
and it can make me feel selfish at times. How can I demand so much from someone that I have spent some of my greatest memories with? I can remember what they used to be like and they have changed. What happened to you kevin? You were my only other deep conversation friend and now you will not have a real conversation with me ever. How hard is it to have someone that I can talk to? Someone that will admit that they feel desperation, that they feel lonly and unsure, that sometimes they do not fell real, that mayby you shouldn't lie to yourself and say you are happy. Oh how I miss you! but you are not that person anymore. I can see it. YOu have become a complete perversion of that friend I knew. As if someone took the best traits in you and turned them into their opposite. What a shame. Mayby its the drugs. but thats what I get for being sympathetic to those "people" right?
but friends are a weird thing and this should be a separate post so I will separate it. If they are not there you can do without them. But when they are there you feel such a pang in your heart when they are gone. It is always right after you are done hanging out with a friend that things feel lonely, out of place, and just crap. But after a night it goes away. It is like friends are a drug. It is like they can be abused like one too. When do you call them up? only when you need them.
and you know what? Its about time I said a thing or two about drugs. Is it against them? yes. but it is in a totally different way that you will see in a second. So first to clarify my intent with a question, Why did I do drugs?
Here is the part where I start to sound weird. It was to drown out thoughts. It was to make my life real. It was to dumb myself down until I was happy. For the longest time my phrase has always been,
Knowledge is power but ignorance is bliss.
And I followed that with everything. Because the more you start to think about your life the more you realize that if you want to be happy you are going to have to pretend like certain things are not there. and thats why I don't quite like happiness. I like TRUE happiness. So I thought, How am I going to make myself dumber? The best solution was a temporary dumbness with drugs. Eventually that became a self perscribed medication and it did its job well.
but wow were they overrated. I was given the impression that they would make you see cool things. They sure did but also practically blacked out and distorted everything else around that thing. And the visuals were not fun. They were disturbing and horrible. Not only that but the cost to see and feel these things people talk about is not worth it whatsoever. You feel poisoned your body feels damaged and your mind is struggling to breath amongst the toxic fear. I was given the impression that they would make you feel good. but what is that worth when it is over? It makes real life seem bad and that was something that I never wanted. At the least life was already bad enough. not saying I don't like life, Im just saying why would you want it to become dull unless you actively change it with another hit?
but they did do something good. I am not that biased. They awoken something in me that had been suppressed by emotion and fear. There was a part of me that said, "suck it up and confront your questions you fear so much, confront everything." because thats who I am. I never want something to be a lie when I can do something about it. If I would have kept doing drugs I would have gotten a good job, a nice wife, and settled down with some kids and I would have become an active part of the community. And that is not who I am! I want to find the truth. I want to use every part of who I am to find my cause, to find the noblest cause, to make a difference for the better, to desire something higher, to discover. What a great feeling, discovering something new. But is this the harder path? of course.
Like I said before I do not want to take the easy road out of life. The easy road of happiness. I want TRUE happiness. something earned. Even if its in a moment or I do not find it at all I will do it until I die. I do not want money or any sort of material possesions. I do not want status. I want discovery. I want to find my cause. I want to be something more. To find something higher. I want to live on a meager living and be actively and constantly searching, thinking, discovering, learning, and although I hate to admit it teaching. I only like to lead by exampe though and thats why I would not be a good teacher. I cannot plant the seed of knowledge I can only lead by example so others can learn. And to say one last thing I have a huge respect for those who can teach.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Memories
I do not want to ask this question, I want you to ask it to yourself,
What is my life?
or better yet,
what is my life composed of?
how did I learn?
I will try and sum it up with this, memories. (if you would care to object I would be thrilled.) How do we know who we are looking at in the mirror is us? because we have seen ourselves in the mirror before? It is a lot like the question how did the universe* start? sure we know how planets are formed, just like we are sure that every time we turn around to look back in the mirror it will be the same person.
But is that a reason to believe that person is you? I am sure that if you have taken what I said literally you could say, "well you know that the mirror reflects because everything in the mirror you can look at with your own eyes next to you and see that it is identical. ) but isn't that the way we do all things in life? Looking to "others" for reassurance? Why can't we find the answer in ourselves? Why can't you look at a mirror and realise that the person you see there does not at all look like the person your eyes are sitting inside and what you imagined you look like? Isn't that the problem with beauty? When you are told what beauty is you see it in yourself, regardless of selfishness or confidence. But when you look to compare it to a mirror you don't look beautiful at all. Im telling you if you take away mirrors anorexia is not a problem.
Isn't it the mirror that gives a physicality to beauty? When someone says you are beautiful what does it feel like they are talking about? It feels like everything. like as a person thats what you are. Your thoughts are beautiful, your personailty is beautiful, your accomplishments are beautiful, and yes your physicality too. But without a mirror physicality is so much different. When you look into someone elses eyes it invokes a totally different feeling than seeing eyes in the mirror or in a picture or anything other than in person. I always hear people talk about the depth of someones eyes when they look into them. Just the term looking INTO someones eyes explains it right there. When you look someone in the eyes you are not looking AT their eyes, you are looking INTO their eyes.
but to go back to life, Memories are what it is composed of. When life is flashing before your eyes those are memories. but is it? no, you are right. your life can be accomplishments too. but isn't that dependant on other people? If there is nobody in your life to tell you, you have accomplished anything, does it matter? Kind of like that phrase if a tree fell in a forest with nobody there to hear it does it make a sound? But it is more like if you were that tree that was falling and you knew it and nobody was there to let you know you were falling or that it means anything, would it even be necessary to make a sound or to be concious of your fall?
What about that saying at the end of the movie Donnie Darko, Everyone dies alone. Physically yes everyone dies alone. Nobody can die with you they can just be there with you in your last moments of living. After that you are sucked into a different part of the world that they cannot know until they die too. If you believe in god than in that moment where you are separated from your friends and heaven, will you feel lonly and scared? And if you don't believe in god your last moments of thinking before you cannot think again are, in lonliness and fright. What a horrible end to a wonderful life. Thats why it is almost impossible to not believe in a god because who would want that? but what I warn you, and by that I mean everyone, is to not use that as a way to reassure yourself and calm down your fears.
Because if there is an almighty father of the heavens I know that he would not want you to use him as a means to cope with death or any sort of troubles facing you. It is not something to be used lightly as a coping mechanism.
He designed you to be contemplative, he designed you to have such an emotional burden, he designed you to have such a passionate desire, he designed you to have doubt in the highest degree, He designed you to BE MORE. So if you are going to make claims that you believe in him I want to see you be what he wants you to be, what he designed you to be.
but once again what is life but your precious memories, when all else fails you what do you have but your memories to hold onto? and holy shit! I actually answered one of my own questions, wow.
Life is a prospect of the future; Life is a contentment at what you have done and lived well, Life is something of such variables nothing can compare, it is of hate, love, thought, spirit, lonliness, acceptance, joyfulness, weariness, lessons, questions, answers, heat, cold, feeling and numbness, it is of the wonders of the imagination and complete unadulterated realism at the same time, it can be fake, real, lost, found, profound and wise, content, and so much more.
It can give you thoughts you could maintain your whole life or reject in a matter of seconds. What is one possible scenario that someone hasen't lived out in full succession. The wonders of nature rival all sorts of physical laws and outcomes. Who can stop life? Nothing. Yes I said it. As short as the time life has spent in existance what can stop the progress that humans have become? We have done some things in 100 years that no other organism has been able to do since the dawn of life.
Yes life IS vibrant! Vibrancy is nothing the can be snuffed out like a candle. What is to stop something from being vibrant? Or a better question would be, what would have the odacity to? What would have the desire to stop something from being vibrant? It can live in a memory, a moment, an expectation, and within all living things. Most of all IT CAN LIVE!
So what is life? funny question, because I haven't even scratched the surface.
What is my life?
or better yet,
what is my life composed of?
how did I learn?
I will try and sum it up with this, memories. (if you would care to object I would be thrilled.) How do we know who we are looking at in the mirror is us? because we have seen ourselves in the mirror before? It is a lot like the question how did the universe* start? sure we know how planets are formed, just like we are sure that every time we turn around to look back in the mirror it will be the same person.
But is that a reason to believe that person is you? I am sure that if you have taken what I said literally you could say, "well you know that the mirror reflects because everything in the mirror you can look at with your own eyes next to you and see that it is identical. ) but isn't that the way we do all things in life? Looking to "others" for reassurance? Why can't we find the answer in ourselves? Why can't you look at a mirror and realise that the person you see there does not at all look like the person your eyes are sitting inside and what you imagined you look like? Isn't that the problem with beauty? When you are told what beauty is you see it in yourself, regardless of selfishness or confidence. But when you look to compare it to a mirror you don't look beautiful at all. Im telling you if you take away mirrors anorexia is not a problem.
Isn't it the mirror that gives a physicality to beauty? When someone says you are beautiful what does it feel like they are talking about? It feels like everything. like as a person thats what you are. Your thoughts are beautiful, your personailty is beautiful, your accomplishments are beautiful, and yes your physicality too. But without a mirror physicality is so much different. When you look into someone elses eyes it invokes a totally different feeling than seeing eyes in the mirror or in a picture or anything other than in person. I always hear people talk about the depth of someones eyes when they look into them. Just the term looking INTO someones eyes explains it right there. When you look someone in the eyes you are not looking AT their eyes, you are looking INTO their eyes.
but to go back to life, Memories are what it is composed of. When life is flashing before your eyes those are memories. but is it? no, you are right. your life can be accomplishments too. but isn't that dependant on other people? If there is nobody in your life to tell you, you have accomplished anything, does it matter? Kind of like that phrase if a tree fell in a forest with nobody there to hear it does it make a sound? But it is more like if you were that tree that was falling and you knew it and nobody was there to let you know you were falling or that it means anything, would it even be necessary to make a sound or to be concious of your fall?
What about that saying at the end of the movie Donnie Darko, Everyone dies alone. Physically yes everyone dies alone. Nobody can die with you they can just be there with you in your last moments of living. After that you are sucked into a different part of the world that they cannot know until they die too. If you believe in god than in that moment where you are separated from your friends and heaven, will you feel lonly and scared? And if you don't believe in god your last moments of thinking before you cannot think again are, in lonliness and fright. What a horrible end to a wonderful life. Thats why it is almost impossible to not believe in a god because who would want that? but what I warn you, and by that I mean everyone, is to not use that as a way to reassure yourself and calm down your fears.
Because if there is an almighty father of the heavens I know that he would not want you to use him as a means to cope with death or any sort of troubles facing you. It is not something to be used lightly as a coping mechanism.
He designed you to be contemplative, he designed you to have such an emotional burden, he designed you to have such a passionate desire, he designed you to have doubt in the highest degree, He designed you to BE MORE. So if you are going to make claims that you believe in him I want to see you be what he wants you to be, what he designed you to be.
but once again what is life but your precious memories, when all else fails you what do you have but your memories to hold onto? and holy shit! I actually answered one of my own questions, wow.
Life is a prospect of the future; Life is a contentment at what you have done and lived well, Life is something of such variables nothing can compare, it is of hate, love, thought, spirit, lonliness, acceptance, joyfulness, weariness, lessons, questions, answers, heat, cold, feeling and numbness, it is of the wonders of the imagination and complete unadulterated realism at the same time, it can be fake, real, lost, found, profound and wise, content, and so much more.
It can give you thoughts you could maintain your whole life or reject in a matter of seconds. What is one possible scenario that someone hasen't lived out in full succession. The wonders of nature rival all sorts of physical laws and outcomes. Who can stop life? Nothing. Yes I said it. As short as the time life has spent in existance what can stop the progress that humans have become? We have done some things in 100 years that no other organism has been able to do since the dawn of life.
Yes life IS vibrant! Vibrancy is nothing the can be snuffed out like a candle. What is to stop something from being vibrant? Or a better question would be, what would have the odacity to? What would have the desire to stop something from being vibrant? It can live in a memory, a moment, an expectation, and within all living things. Most of all IT CAN LIVE!
So what is life? funny question, because I haven't even scratched the surface.
Ah, wow
comment on these like you did before you knew there were comments. That was awesome. To answer a question, When I said that we would tell him "there is no higher purpose" it was really personal to me so I left out a lot of details but here,
Would I find that higher purpose before I die? Or would I keep searching until I died? To be blunt it would be to say, stop asking questions about purposes and just do something with your life.
to myself of course.
So here is a mistake you guys made by being friends with me,
I have talked about this to one person in the world, and now it will be three. I have recently been as honest as I possibly can with no precaution to my ego, status, ect.... because I thought if I keep doing that, the friends I will get out of it will be the true friends that I need. So although friendships (even marriages) start out with such a bundle of emotions and energy (for example the "spark" in a relationship.) and then they start to fizzle out of our own accord, this one is not going to be like that unfortunatley. Because at least I don't have to be any sort of different person (to the greatest extent I can) when I am with you guys. So its not going to be hard to hang onto you for way longer than standard friendships. (you know what I'm saying? those yearlong friends?) so thats too bad. and I am bad at being outright with my compliments but it is because of that, that you guys are some of the most true friends to my heart. and now its time for some discourse!
p.s. I hope the tone for that wasn't, "aha! you guys fell for my little scheme!" because you guys really are a freak occurance in my life. Keep in mind before powderburn I wanted to see the world burn and I genuinely wanted to do everything from then on, "by myself" but a random string of events brings me here and I am finally a little content with that.
Would I find that higher purpose before I die? Or would I keep searching until I died? To be blunt it would be to say, stop asking questions about purposes and just do something with your life.
to myself of course.
So here is a mistake you guys made by being friends with me,
I have talked about this to one person in the world, and now it will be three. I have recently been as honest as I possibly can with no precaution to my ego, status, ect.... because I thought if I keep doing that, the friends I will get out of it will be the true friends that I need. So although friendships (even marriages) start out with such a bundle of emotions and energy (for example the "spark" in a relationship.) and then they start to fizzle out of our own accord, this one is not going to be like that unfortunatley. Because at least I don't have to be any sort of different person (to the greatest extent I can) when I am with you guys. So its not going to be hard to hang onto you for way longer than standard friendships. (you know what I'm saying? those yearlong friends?) so thats too bad. and I am bad at being outright with my compliments but it is because of that, that you guys are some of the most true friends to my heart. and now its time for some discourse!
p.s. I hope the tone for that wasn't, "aha! you guys fell for my little scheme!" because you guys really are a freak occurance in my life. Keep in mind before powderburn I wanted to see the world burn and I genuinely wanted to do everything from then on, "by myself" but a random string of events brings me here and I am finally a little content with that.
some humor to space out the serious or space out your mind!!
Ok, you notice as you walk down the line that there is a fresh crop of purple, ripe, and ready to be plucked. As you wrap your delicious fingers around the rotting stem you turn to look at the time. Oh man, you realize, my fingers really do taste good. As if all the moons in the sky started to look at you and smile you trip over your fingers and land in a pond full of assorted doll parts. You start to ask yourself, " how do ducks float on this again?" and than you realize that they don't they just waddle. Woah, trippy, you say like a clown whose smile is too big for his painted features. Who turned the lights off? says all the ducks waddling across the assorted doll part pond. you turn to tell them that your aunt prefers to keep them one when you realize that is somewhat of a sentence fragment but by the time you finish the thought the pond is floating in a gigantic sea. before it crosses your mind that a pond cannot float, you stand up and say I am done with this as you press the exit button and close the picture window. But you realize mayby I do have a computer virus and turn back to the screen but it is too late. the screen is melted and you have 10 dead baby gophers in your hand wondering why did I sniff so much glue?
How about the truth?
What does truth mean to you? Sometimes it seems that people will sacrifice truth for happiness at every whim. When did we become such despisers of truth? Even at this very moment when I say the word truth right now it is not taken to heart. Now what if I was to say, what do lies mean to you? Now we're getting somewhere. If I was to complain about lies in this piece people would join in saying I know lies are horrible lies are everywhere. But where is truth? So underrated these days huh?
What is it to live a lie? It is always for a seemingly happy life. We are very capable of living a lie but not living for truth. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. Lies can bring happiness as long as they are not found out. And happiness makes the world go round. Heaven is happiness, but does that mean it is a lie? I mean two different things here. Heaven does not exist or heaven is a place where you are lied to. A place where everything is what you want to hear, feel, see, touch, taste, and smell. But not what is real. But here's what I am getting at, which is something that I know is an uncomfortable subject which none of you want to discuss and I give you permission to stop reading right now. That is your very lives, but not just that. It is what gives meaning to your lives. The meaning in itself.
So consider this if you are to be 100% honest with yourself, but if you are happy with your lie than just keep it to the back of your mind. That is, What you believe is the meaning to life. Is it a meaning you chose because it made you happiest or it is what you truly believe? I mean something you would believe in even if it gave you the most meaningless uncomfortable life imaginable. What makes you happiest? When you have an easy answer. But everyone around you says there is no easy answers in life and they swear by it as proof of all sorts of ridiculous things. But if you cannot perform such a task here is something smaller for you. If you believe that happiness is more valuable than truth it will also tie into any sort of belief system in your life. Why do you listen to music? Because it makes you happy. Why do you have friends? Because it makes you happy. Why are you nice to your friends? Because if they are happy, you are happy by their praise. Why do you play music if not to gain approval from your friends? All for the sake of happiness. So let me ask the question that I have been procrastinating,
Why do you believe in god?
Because that answer makes you happy......
Or because you believe that is the answer?
When you go to church is it to see your friends and dance and have fun? Is it some sort of twisted addiction? Where you have to have people surrounding you and coddling you with affection? I thought church was to receive affection from a heavenly father? Or even better,
I thought church was to serve a heavenly father because you owe him some sort of debt for putting you on this earth?
If this was true you wouldn't need to go to church but pay your own homage by yourself. That's where it is truth. But that is not what people want. People want happiness. And that's what the church will deliver to them with lightning speed at these functions. Oh hey! Something constantly exciting is going on stage!
So why do you believe? Is it your perfect little answer you can hold onto all your life to keep you from shattering right then and there? Is it this answer that you will use for everything that you are unsure about and makes you uncomfortable trying to deal with it? And what if you take this answer to the grave with you? What use is it there? All of the sudden this answer is put to the test and so far nothing is happening. They only way you can find out the answer is once your whole world goes black. The only way is when you lose thought. There is nothing. What a risk to take! What if that nothingness stays? No big loss you cannot think. So it looks like a win win scenario. If you believe there is a god than he might just let you keep on living like you so want to do. And if there isn't than no loss you can't feel any sadness about it.
But I will tell you the loss. The loss suffered is by truth. Truth loses in this scenario in a whopping victory by happiness once again. So I will ask a new question, what is more important to you, your happiness or other peoples happiness? Or to insight the same feelings felt about liars, selfishness. If you muck your cards in the game of life who benefits? To hide the truth from everyone all your life is a crime against humanity. There is no price payed but to that of your fellow man.
Being honest is a hard and lonely road with no benefits but to yourself. I have found that it can be tiresome because the truth is so hidden by the global population. Truth can be rewarded but also chastised so it is hard to determine whether it is a good thing. Truth can make you dependant on what makes you happy because you are finally being honest about it. Nothing about truth is as appealing as the lie so I will not be surprised by your choice.
What is it to live a lie? It is always for a seemingly happy life. We are very capable of living a lie but not living for truth. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. Lies can bring happiness as long as they are not found out. And happiness makes the world go round. Heaven is happiness, but does that mean it is a lie? I mean two different things here. Heaven does not exist or heaven is a place where you are lied to. A place where everything is what you want to hear, feel, see, touch, taste, and smell. But not what is real. But here's what I am getting at, which is something that I know is an uncomfortable subject which none of you want to discuss and I give you permission to stop reading right now. That is your very lives, but not just that. It is what gives meaning to your lives. The meaning in itself.
So consider this if you are to be 100% honest with yourself, but if you are happy with your lie than just keep it to the back of your mind. That is, What you believe is the meaning to life. Is it a meaning you chose because it made you happiest or it is what you truly believe? I mean something you would believe in even if it gave you the most meaningless uncomfortable life imaginable. What makes you happiest? When you have an easy answer. But everyone around you says there is no easy answers in life and they swear by it as proof of all sorts of ridiculous things. But if you cannot perform such a task here is something smaller for you. If you believe that happiness is more valuable than truth it will also tie into any sort of belief system in your life. Why do you listen to music? Because it makes you happy. Why do you have friends? Because it makes you happy. Why are you nice to your friends? Because if they are happy, you are happy by their praise. Why do you play music if not to gain approval from your friends? All for the sake of happiness. So let me ask the question that I have been procrastinating,
Why do you believe in god?
Because that answer makes you happy......
Or because you believe that is the answer?
When you go to church is it to see your friends and dance and have fun? Is it some sort of twisted addiction? Where you have to have people surrounding you and coddling you with affection? I thought church was to receive affection from a heavenly father? Or even better,
I thought church was to serve a heavenly father because you owe him some sort of debt for putting you on this earth?
If this was true you wouldn't need to go to church but pay your own homage by yourself. That's where it is truth. But that is not what people want. People want happiness. And that's what the church will deliver to them with lightning speed at these functions. Oh hey! Something constantly exciting is going on stage!
So why do you believe? Is it your perfect little answer you can hold onto all your life to keep you from shattering right then and there? Is it this answer that you will use for everything that you are unsure about and makes you uncomfortable trying to deal with it? And what if you take this answer to the grave with you? What use is it there? All of the sudden this answer is put to the test and so far nothing is happening. They only way you can find out the answer is once your whole world goes black. The only way is when you lose thought. There is nothing. What a risk to take! What if that nothingness stays? No big loss you cannot think. So it looks like a win win scenario. If you believe there is a god than he might just let you keep on living like you so want to do. And if there isn't than no loss you can't feel any sadness about it.
But I will tell you the loss. The loss suffered is by truth. Truth loses in this scenario in a whopping victory by happiness once again. So I will ask a new question, what is more important to you, your happiness or other peoples happiness? Or to insight the same feelings felt about liars, selfishness. If you muck your cards in the game of life who benefits? To hide the truth from everyone all your life is a crime against humanity. There is no price payed but to that of your fellow man.
Being honest is a hard and lonely road with no benefits but to yourself. I have found that it can be tiresome because the truth is so hidden by the global population. Truth can be rewarded but also chastised so it is hard to determine whether it is a good thing. Truth can make you dependant on what makes you happy because you are finally being honest about it. Nothing about truth is as appealing as the lie so I will not be surprised by your choice.
Nietzsche Qoutes
"Mercy will always remain the privilege of the more powerful man."
"It is always man's exaggerated ingenuousness to regard himself as the sense and measure of all things."
Those are my two favorites so far.
"It is always man's exaggerated ingenuousness to regard himself as the sense and measure of all things."
Those are my two favorites so far.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
All part of the process
Listening to riders on the storm while I study I took a second to think about Jim Morrison. I realized,
He definitely died at the right time.
Think about how sad his life would be if he kept on living? He would realize that he was fighting for no cause. That he was going to have to settle down soon and retire and die of old age. What a prison we live in!
Now to change perspectives,
Have you ever felt like you were just a part of a process? You sat in your room as a teenager listening to music and wondering why? Why do you feel this way? I remember thinking that if this is something I am going to grow out of I hope I never do because it feels so right. It was as if I had a moment of clarity and the adults were just living a lie because they were scared. scared they didn't have any answers.
Oh how right I was.........
How did I grow up you might ask? It was drugs. drugs killed the teenage child in me. They brought me to reality. Nothing made me feel more depressingly real than that. What was that feeling? Oh yah I probably shouldn't wonder all night why I am here, the real question is if there is a reason at all. If I just play music all my life I will be unhappy because that is not a real career. Oh yah, I probably want to get a job, have money, and maintain a good status with my community because what am I going to prove if they do not listen to me? Things like that woke me up from that state. I don't think I will ever be able to think that deeply or clearly again. Makes me very disappointed.
But that was all a process right? I was just a cocoon waiting to grow into something pretty. Pretty to look at and dies a pretty death. Look at what that ugly period of my life created, something you can adore. Again just a process. I had no free will. I was just going through a "stage"
Is that what happened to Jim Morrison? Was he so reckless because he was young? Am I going to lose my drive because I am going to get old? What kind of hell is this? A place where I am given prospects and these great goals but I will only want to obtain them for a short period of time. We all have to "settle down" right? Again I am just a part of a process.
Is leaving the nest a part of the process too? Is that why I want to see the world? because I have come of age? Is this supposed to be my dark hours before I break out of my cocoon and people can marvel and say "oh how pretty look at what it took to make that!"
So I can wear my experience and memories on my back in a brilliant display of colors. That's why I am here. Oh it makes so much sense now. but nobody told me it would be this painful.
If we were to go back in time and visit this young man that I was and asked him "why are you on this earth?" he would try and imagine some sort of divine purpose. That we are so different than everything else. We are so different than the things people look at and say "that looks beautiful, what a nice little treat for my eyes." but than we would tell him,
No there is no higher purpose
you must use this experience to teach to other young people
you must show your story to your community and wear your beautiful life on your back for display.
because you are going to get too old and these memories will just keep repeating themselves. you will not find an answer so just tell us about your quest in finding them.
I am just a part of the process and I have no free will. All I can do is evolve with the rest and get excited about what I will become. how fun. How ascetically pleasing for us all!
He definitely died at the right time.
Think about how sad his life would be if he kept on living? He would realize that he was fighting for no cause. That he was going to have to settle down soon and retire and die of old age. What a prison we live in!
Now to change perspectives,
Have you ever felt like you were just a part of a process? You sat in your room as a teenager listening to music and wondering why? Why do you feel this way? I remember thinking that if this is something I am going to grow out of I hope I never do because it feels so right. It was as if I had a moment of clarity and the adults were just living a lie because they were scared. scared they didn't have any answers.
Oh how right I was.........
How did I grow up you might ask? It was drugs. drugs killed the teenage child in me. They brought me to reality. Nothing made me feel more depressingly real than that. What was that feeling? Oh yah I probably shouldn't wonder all night why I am here, the real question is if there is a reason at all. If I just play music all my life I will be unhappy because that is not a real career. Oh yah, I probably want to get a job, have money, and maintain a good status with my community because what am I going to prove if they do not listen to me? Things like that woke me up from that state. I don't think I will ever be able to think that deeply or clearly again. Makes me very disappointed.
But that was all a process right? I was just a cocoon waiting to grow into something pretty. Pretty to look at and dies a pretty death. Look at what that ugly period of my life created, something you can adore. Again just a process. I had no free will. I was just going through a "stage"
Is that what happened to Jim Morrison? Was he so reckless because he was young? Am I going to lose my drive because I am going to get old? What kind of hell is this? A place where I am given prospects and these great goals but I will only want to obtain them for a short period of time. We all have to "settle down" right? Again I am just a part of a process.
Is leaving the nest a part of the process too? Is that why I want to see the world? because I have come of age? Is this supposed to be my dark hours before I break out of my cocoon and people can marvel and say "oh how pretty look at what it took to make that!"
So I can wear my experience and memories on my back in a brilliant display of colors. That's why I am here. Oh it makes so much sense now. but nobody told me it would be this painful.
If we were to go back in time and visit this young man that I was and asked him "why are you on this earth?" he would try and imagine some sort of divine purpose. That we are so different than everything else. We are so different than the things people look at and say "that looks beautiful, what a nice little treat for my eyes." but than we would tell him,
No there is no higher purpose
you must use this experience to teach to other young people
you must show your story to your community and wear your beautiful life on your back for display.
because you are going to get too old and these memories will just keep repeating themselves. you will not find an answer so just tell us about your quest in finding them.
I am just a part of the process and I have no free will. All I can do is evolve with the rest and get excited about what I will become. how fun. How ascetically pleasing for us all!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Heaven is where you make it
Ah Hawaii, I am glad that I can finally have a secret place to write about what has been tugging at my heart all my life. Ever since third grade that has been where I've wanted to go. But there is an even deeper place, long before that.
Rainforest's
Jungles
My all time favorite movie that I started watching before I can remember was the jungle book. I don't remember Mowgli. Last time I checked I was Mowgli. One of the most profound visuals I have had in my life (can't remember what I was on.) Was of the ending scene in that movie; Floating down a jungle river looking back at the orange sunset behind. The sheer beauty and memory of it permeates my skin and releases in the form of shivers throughout my body just thinking of it.
As much as I will miss Colorado, as much as I will miss the Lichen,
As much As I will miss my friends, and all the places I've been,
The evergreens call inbetween, fond memories left in kisses on my forehead
The world calls or is it them?
those people of my past?
eons before my time
enriched in mother nature
she calls my name I cannot stay, the ocean breeze still blows my way
but yet I will miss them.
(I feel as if this next part is to somebody.)
Is it the rainforest's I dream of or is it the world itself?
What is to stop me from embracing the Mowgli that I really am? My perfect scores mean nothing. My money earned means nothing. My status in society, my impression left in peoples minds, my ego, my ideas, they all mean nothing. My memories, my friends, all life around me oh wait, now that means something. Where else would be better for me?
I am sick with Biophillia (the love of life)
I want to be so surrounded by life that I cannot breath new air that I am not sharing with my fellow organisms. Oh what a joy it would be to be a tree in a forest. My roots reaching out and touching rocks, soil, worms, water, streams, ants, and other plants all at the same time. my branches touching birds, frogs, monkeys, lizards, and holding them up from danger. My leaves warm with sunlight and giving me energy at the crack of dawn every day. My trunk is home to all sorts of birds and small mammals. My experience in time itself is so enriched I can smile at all the repeats. Of course to be realistic this is nothing like being a tree, but its just an analogy.
but at the same time there is another side of me. Although enjoying all these things around myself, I am a scared. scared for the future. What will become of all the other people like me? The ones that neither know nor care what happens to our little community. What should I do they are just as important to me? I almost care for them to much because I believe it is a necessity for them to keep discovering and going forward at the expense of their competition. If only there was an easier way! How much can I do to keep both of them happy? Is that too selfish and presumptuous of me?
So it seems it would be better if I chose the harder path so that I can have both of my friends. Its time to change the world for a noble cause. but I shall have to see the world first.
Rainforest's
Jungles
My all time favorite movie that I started watching before I can remember was the jungle book. I don't remember Mowgli. Last time I checked I was Mowgli. One of the most profound visuals I have had in my life (can't remember what I was on.) Was of the ending scene in that movie; Floating down a jungle river looking back at the orange sunset behind. The sheer beauty and memory of it permeates my skin and releases in the form of shivers throughout my body just thinking of it.
As much as I will miss Colorado, as much as I will miss the Lichen,
As much As I will miss my friends, and all the places I've been,
The evergreens call inbetween, fond memories left in kisses on my forehead
The world calls or is it them?
those people of my past?
eons before my time
enriched in mother nature
she calls my name I cannot stay, the ocean breeze still blows my way
but yet I will miss them.
(I feel as if this next part is to somebody.)
Is it the rainforest's I dream of or is it the world itself?
What is to stop me from embracing the Mowgli that I really am? My perfect scores mean nothing. My money earned means nothing. My status in society, my impression left in peoples minds, my ego, my ideas, they all mean nothing. My memories, my friends, all life around me oh wait, now that means something. Where else would be better for me?
I am sick with Biophillia (the love of life)
I want to be so surrounded by life that I cannot breath new air that I am not sharing with my fellow organisms. Oh what a joy it would be to be a tree in a forest. My roots reaching out and touching rocks, soil, worms, water, streams, ants, and other plants all at the same time. my branches touching birds, frogs, monkeys, lizards, and holding them up from danger. My leaves warm with sunlight and giving me energy at the crack of dawn every day. My trunk is home to all sorts of birds and small mammals. My experience in time itself is so enriched I can smile at all the repeats. Of course to be realistic this is nothing like being a tree, but its just an analogy.
but at the same time there is another side of me. Although enjoying all these things around myself, I am a scared. scared for the future. What will become of all the other people like me? The ones that neither know nor care what happens to our little community. What should I do they are just as important to me? I almost care for them to much because I believe it is a necessity for them to keep discovering and going forward at the expense of their competition. If only there was an easier way! How much can I do to keep both of them happy? Is that too selfish and presumptuous of me?
So it seems it would be better if I chose the harder path so that I can have both of my friends. Its time to change the world for a noble cause. but I shall have to see the world first.
Kodak moment
On sunday. I know Leo will never read this so I am going to say that was one of my most precious moments making fondue when we had no chocolate and nothing to dip. It didn't taste all that bad but you liked it so much that I loved it. I hope that we can share those same moments when we are making fires on the beach in Hawaii.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Nightime
There is most definitely something about the night time. You could say fear, you could say mischief, you could say sleep. But what comes to mind about the night is half hidden. Something that people rarely talk about unless something amazing happened. But I think that only heightens it. there is still something about being outside at night. The way the moon lights up the grass and gives it new dimensions. Or the way that darkness leaves room for your imagination to paint its own better landscape. We have been bedazzled with colors all of our lives and had them thrown at us so maybe sometimes it is when the colors are taken away that we see the beauty around us.
What is it for you about night that some of your greatest memories have taken place in? Was it with your friends? Were you running? Did you look up at the stars? Were you singing, listening, or playing music? Were you intoxicated? It is almost like night has an intoxicating aroma in itself. Is it because that is the time for these "mischievous" acts?
For me night is something primal. Something that hits a part of me far buried in the reaches of time. As if someone from the past wanted me to remember what this felt like, or to just appreciate it as much as they did. That moment can hit when I am looking up at the stars; craning my neck, mouth open as if I have breath it in too. It can happen when I look at the shadows and contrasts of hills in the night which seem to gain such depths that the valleys in between look like chasms of unknown. The night makes me want to run, run as if the only thing to stop it would be to leave the ground and fly through the night sky. It is so dark it seems I could jump into it and never return.
But wait, there is something more to the night that gives us those gentle trills in our minds. Something that could be a separate experience and feeling of its own but cannot do so without the combination of night. that is a fire. Something that seems to be such a friend but intriguing in its destructive power. What is that fascination that we have for fire at night? When all we are is captivated faces in a sea of black looking at the ribbons of flame. What is that power it has that can leave us content to stare at it without talking or do quite the opposite. That makes us want to sing and rarely, dance like the fire dances. Something that i rarely think about is what is fire but something that warms and flickers? It is the only thing that can be right in front of my face but seem so two dimensional. Fire is something you can put your hand through but wont give you any feeling but heat. Is fire a material or just energy that burns off of anything and burns orange, yellow, blue, and red. Think about it fire has such crazy unnatural colors but seems so familiar to us. I believe that fire is the only thing that we can go into (mentally) and be alone with our thoughts in no matter what is going on around you. A T.V. doesn't nearly tune you out as much as a fire does.
But there is so much more to the night than we think about. It can be two totally different things if it involves friends or just yourself. Keep in mind I am only going to mention the voluntary night escapades with yourself and not the involuntary which can take on a open frightening feel. Night by yourself can be a place of security where nobody is there but yourself and your thoughts. But take a second to think about your friends, now take a second to think about which friends are your night friends. There is a difference. What is it about night that makes our friends seem so different. Not just physically but in attitude as well. Their face takes on a so much more different look that it seems like they are specific to you and everyone else that knows them knows them differently. These are your night friends. It seems like friends are more open to conversation, thoughts, and wonder. I say wonder because more things seem to turn into questions at night. Instead of being given answers you are given just as valid if not more significant questions. The people that you share your nights outside filled with wonder with should be the people you spend your life with.
The only thing that I can say about a night of intoxication is that when that moment I was talking about earlier can still hit you and make you totally sober at that second. Other than that there is not much to tell because everything is so euphoric that every experience feels different.
So to my night friends I give you a secret homage because although I have spent nights with different friends very few fall into this mysterious beautiful category. Why else would the phrase "what a wonderful night" not be used after every weekend? (Not sexualy although in some cases you could say that. lol)
What is it for you about night that some of your greatest memories have taken place in? Was it with your friends? Were you running? Did you look up at the stars? Were you singing, listening, or playing music? Were you intoxicated? It is almost like night has an intoxicating aroma in itself. Is it because that is the time for these "mischievous" acts?
For me night is something primal. Something that hits a part of me far buried in the reaches of time. As if someone from the past wanted me to remember what this felt like, or to just appreciate it as much as they did. That moment can hit when I am looking up at the stars; craning my neck, mouth open as if I have breath it in too. It can happen when I look at the shadows and contrasts of hills in the night which seem to gain such depths that the valleys in between look like chasms of unknown. The night makes me want to run, run as if the only thing to stop it would be to leave the ground and fly through the night sky. It is so dark it seems I could jump into it and never return.
But wait, there is something more to the night that gives us those gentle trills in our minds. Something that could be a separate experience and feeling of its own but cannot do so without the combination of night. that is a fire. Something that seems to be such a friend but intriguing in its destructive power. What is that fascination that we have for fire at night? When all we are is captivated faces in a sea of black looking at the ribbons of flame. What is that power it has that can leave us content to stare at it without talking or do quite the opposite. That makes us want to sing and rarely, dance like the fire dances. Something that i rarely think about is what is fire but something that warms and flickers? It is the only thing that can be right in front of my face but seem so two dimensional. Fire is something you can put your hand through but wont give you any feeling but heat. Is fire a material or just energy that burns off of anything and burns orange, yellow, blue, and red. Think about it fire has such crazy unnatural colors but seems so familiar to us. I believe that fire is the only thing that we can go into (mentally) and be alone with our thoughts in no matter what is going on around you. A T.V. doesn't nearly tune you out as much as a fire does.
But there is so much more to the night than we think about. It can be two totally different things if it involves friends or just yourself. Keep in mind I am only going to mention the voluntary night escapades with yourself and not the involuntary which can take on a open frightening feel. Night by yourself can be a place of security where nobody is there but yourself and your thoughts. But take a second to think about your friends, now take a second to think about which friends are your night friends. There is a difference. What is it about night that makes our friends seem so different. Not just physically but in attitude as well. Their face takes on a so much more different look that it seems like they are specific to you and everyone else that knows them knows them differently. These are your night friends. It seems like friends are more open to conversation, thoughts, and wonder. I say wonder because more things seem to turn into questions at night. Instead of being given answers you are given just as valid if not more significant questions. The people that you share your nights outside filled with wonder with should be the people you spend your life with.
The only thing that I can say about a night of intoxication is that when that moment I was talking about earlier can still hit you and make you totally sober at that second. Other than that there is not much to tell because everything is so euphoric that every experience feels different.
So to my night friends I give you a secret homage because although I have spent nights with different friends very few fall into this mysterious beautiful category. Why else would the phrase "what a wonderful night" not be used after every weekend? (Not sexualy although in some cases you could say that. lol)
Another random cool fact/story
Some crows in japan have figured out the most ingenious way to crack certain nuts they cannot crack themselves. Crows are among the smartest birds in the aviary genre. You can find a video on youtube of this just type in ingenious crows or something.
So basically some people video taped a crow in the city that would take a hard nut it couldn't crack and drop it at a crosswalk underneath a stop light. The crow put the nut in the exact part of the road where cars tires go through. When the light turns green the crow leaves the road and watches its nut. A car runs over the nut and smashes it open. But the crow still waits at the edge of the sidewalk. Once the crosswalk sign with the little white guy lights up the crow walks across the crosswalk and grabs its prize. The crow then turns around and waits to eat it until it gets out of the road.
What an amazing adaption by crows. Again crows are some of the smartest birds you will ever see. In a lab experiment a scientist puts a piece of food with a loop tied into it so that the loop is hanging out on top. He then puts this piece of food into a test tube that is too narrow and deep for a crow to poke its beek into. Next to the test tube the scientist puts a straight piece of metal like a straightened out paper clip. They let a crow into the room and after many failed attempts at getting the food with its beek the crow picks up the piece of metal. The crow then uses the test tube to bend the piece of metal into a hook shape by moving to the side and pushing it against the glass. keeping this piece of metal the crow then uses the hook of the metal to hook the loop on the food and pull it out of the test tube to eat it.
Both of these videos can be found on youtube,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onA2ve3EDWk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtmLVP0HvDg
So basically some people video taped a crow in the city that would take a hard nut it couldn't crack and drop it at a crosswalk underneath a stop light. The crow put the nut in the exact part of the road where cars tires go through. When the light turns green the crow leaves the road and watches its nut. A car runs over the nut and smashes it open. But the crow still waits at the edge of the sidewalk. Once the crosswalk sign with the little white guy lights up the crow walks across the crosswalk and grabs its prize. The crow then turns around and waits to eat it until it gets out of the road.
What an amazing adaption by crows. Again crows are some of the smartest birds you will ever see. In a lab experiment a scientist puts a piece of food with a loop tied into it so that the loop is hanging out on top. He then puts this piece of food into a test tube that is too narrow and deep for a crow to poke its beek into. Next to the test tube the scientist puts a straight piece of metal like a straightened out paper clip. They let a crow into the room and after many failed attempts at getting the food with its beek the crow picks up the piece of metal. The crow then uses the test tube to bend the piece of metal into a hook shape by moving to the side and pushing it against the glass. keeping this piece of metal the crow then uses the hook of the metal to hook the loop on the food and pull it out of the test tube to eat it.
Both of these videos can be found on youtube,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onA2ve3EDWk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtmLVP0HvDg
Random cool story
So for those of you that have fruit fly cultures or do experiments with fruit flies you know what I'm talking about. Some scientists were doing experiments with fruit fly generations and learned behaviors so they let numurous generations of fruit flies live in an upside down jar on a table. One day they decided to remove the jar to see what happens. The flies still flew in an exact pattern of the jar. Eventually these flies died and had offspring. Their offspring still flew in the pattern of the jar. Pretty sick huh?
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dart frogs
I have a personal picture collection of the coolest looking dart frog species I have found so far. Although I would consider all of them utterly spectacular these are the ones that actually made me say ("whaaaaaat?!?!?!?!?!) The format for this is god aweful so if you want to know the names for these frogs just ask me.
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