All part of the process

Listening to riders on the storm while I study I took a second to think about Jim Morrison. I realized,

He definitely died at the right time.

Think about how sad his life would be if he kept on living? He would realize that he was fighting for no cause. That he was going to have to settle down soon and retire and die of old age. What a prison we live in!

Now to change perspectives,
Have you ever felt like you were just a part of a process? You sat in your room as a teenager listening to music and wondering why? Why do you feel this way? I remember thinking that if this is something I am going to grow out of I hope I never do because it feels so right. It was as if I had a moment of clarity and the adults were just living a lie because they were scared. scared they didn't have any answers.

Oh how right I was.........

How did I grow up you might ask? It was drugs. drugs killed the teenage child in me. They brought me to reality. Nothing made me feel more depressingly real than that. What was that feeling? Oh yah I probably shouldn't wonder all night why I am here, the real question is if there is a reason at all. If I just play music all my life I will be unhappy because that is not a real career. Oh yah, I probably want to get a job, have money, and maintain a good status with my community because what am I going to prove if they do not listen to me? Things like that woke me up from that state. I don't think I will ever be able to think that deeply or clearly again. Makes me very disappointed.

But that was all a process right? I was just a cocoon waiting to grow into something pretty. Pretty to look at and dies a pretty death. Look at what that ugly period of my life created, something you can adore. Again just a process. I had no free will. I was just going through a "stage"

Is that what happened to Jim Morrison? Was he so reckless because he was young? Am I going to lose my drive because I am going to get old? What kind of hell is this? A place where I am given prospects and these great goals but I will only want to obtain them for a short period of time. We all have to "settle down" right? Again I am just a part of a process.

Is leaving the nest a part of the process too? Is that why I want to see the world? because I have come of age? Is this supposed to be my dark hours before I break out of my cocoon and people can marvel and say "oh how pretty look at what it took to make that!"
So I can wear my experience and memories on my back in a brilliant display of colors. That's why I am here. Oh it makes so much sense now. but nobody told me it would be this painful.

If we were to go back in time and visit this young man that I was and asked him "why are you on this earth?" he would try and imagine some sort of divine purpose. That we are so different than everything else. We are so different than the things people look at and say "that looks beautiful, what a nice little treat for my eyes." but than we would tell him,

No there is no higher purpose

you must use this experience to teach to other young people

you must show your story to your community and wear your beautiful life on your back for display.

because you are going to get too old and these memories will just keep repeating themselves. you will not find an answer so just tell us about your quest in finding them.

I am just a part of the process and I have no free will. All I can do is evolve with the rest and get excited about what I will become. how fun. How ascetically pleasing for us all!