For Chelsea

Wow, I just want to blurt something out that I was thinking the whole time I read "the package", your written responses always seem to emotionally knock me on my ass! lol. And I have to do you some justice and explain why these time invested responses are such a shock to me;

I am most definitely not used to someone actually caring for me at the level you guys (technically I should say girls because that would just be you and kanya*) do. By this I mean something that is close to my heart, that is my writing. Sure I have gotten plenty of people that read my stuff all the time and follow it and leave comments. But by the end of their comments I become disgusted and actually humorous. Because I realize the more I read it, the more I realise that they most definitely did not read it all the way through if not at all. and not only that but they show no sign of intellectual compassion but rather, and I wish I had a better way to put this but, " Poor Dom, he seems to be really sad and bothered by his life, I better leave a comment saying good job on your writing." So that is a minor reason why what you wrote brought tears to my eyes but to resist cheesiness and let cheese come forth from your computer speakers let me explain because I think you will agree,

I would have to say that for a moment reading your responses I felt the hand of god, but only for a moment. That could be one the most sweetest moments I am not sure. but I was reading your responses and you said that word again, that word that is so strange to me it almost feels unreal, beautiful. Wow. that's all I can say. you didn't just pluck my heart strings you tore them right out! lol. yah I said it. and after that something that made me smile with contentment and unwarily set me up for some of the strangest coincidences of my life, "that's vibrancy, How does he get it already?" I want to also know what you mean by this and say one thing, whenever I hear, speak, write, or think of the word vibrancy I think of you. I do not know if that means anything and I am not the person who judges vibrancy, Chelsea Baines is. At least she is the only person I know that judges it. (yah I know besides god you are but that should be obvious.) and I think that YOUR vibrancy level is something that you will have to find for yourself. Because in my book you are all A+'s and shiny golden stars. Somewhere in your writing I believe you said that you fucked up what your parents raised you into. But I believe whether or not they (or you) know it they gave you one thing or maybe you could say god gave you, free will. Because it would be something incredibly hard, maybe even harder than some of my biggest quests, to see where you fucked things up. because you definitely did not fuck up in a single sentence in my book of life. but that's just me YOU are going to have to find your vibrancy and that's something that I will stress upon in a second.

The part of your response that made me feel some sort of touch of god, and I hate to say "made" because the indication that I felt the power of something higher means that you were not the total cause of it. Especially because you were using it to say something else after. But man did you strike a good note with me and here's a quote of what you said,
"I think this is how people live out their individual purposes"
wow, that is exactly just like what I wrote in my absence of talking (to almost everyone) for the past week or so. I will post that rambling after this one so you can see what I am talking about. I felt such a connection that I was thoroughly convinced for a second, things seemed to perfect. and to top it off I went onto facebook and discovered that my status changed from, "dom needs a push" to "Dom has his push" and I was trying to remember if or why I posted that status and was drawing blanks. wow, THAT is why you will be my forever friend. and actually I want to do something between me you and kayanne. I want to have a three way forever friend wedding between us. With cake, ceremony, cathedral, the whole mix. (including honeymoon and SEX? lol bahahahahaahahahahaha sorry I couldn't resist thinking how funny it would be if I used this as a way to convince you guys to do a three way with me. That would be the funniest attempt I could ever make in my life. lol. wow. there are some jokes that I wish I could carry out and than laugh whole heartedly and than go back in time and do what I seriously wanted to do)

There was also one thing that I had to say and it was about one thing that you said it was, "Friends, while they bring me the most joy in life, they also cause me the most pain and heartbreak"
Talk about heaven smacking you in the face, don't you see that this is vibrancy? This thing with Eric, it needs to be confronted. It doesn't necessarily have to be with him either, it has to be with yourself. because as much as I love you (and for some reason that is a hard thing for me to say to people, especially when I say it in sincerity) I am going to leave you, Kayanne, everyone for a LONG time. I have a journey that needs to be taken, reluctantly mostly by myself. And I am doing this on purpose. It is something that needs to be done. and I am not sure if that is something in your friendships that is going to bring you pain. So I need to know if you feel the need for vibrancy in this beautiful (another hard word) relationship, the same as life. There needs to be more than happiness between friends, there needs to be love, unconditional love. Because when I am gone you guys will weigh heavy on my heart but will also strengthen the love evermore. This no speak week was just my own little test to see how that plays out. Because I love you, your beautiful, and you need to find how vibrant you are for yourself.





*I made a spelling error on kanye but liked it so much I kept it. and I finally remembered to explain my * thingys. score!