It hurts inside

I wrote my apology letter to the school that I got swat raided in. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Because I had to say everything that I do not want to say. I truly have my tail between my legs on this one. It actually physically hurts my stomach really bad to say that we fully deserved our punishment. Ah, wow. I just found out that my ethics class is cancelled. That just put the nail in the coffin. Good Lord what did I do? Actually I have done a lot of "wrong" things. But is that justice? How?! I rarely try to harm my fellow man. I have tried and tried to be as honest as possible in this life. I have not given up and I will not give up either! This is just further motivation for me to try and change this fucked up world. It did not used to be that way.

The world never used to be fucked up. We fucked it up, I contributed too.

You cannot say that the laws you force upon me are just in any sort of way. Your precious freedom. America is not truly free, even the biggest half wit knows that. Freedom cannot be a right, it has to be something earned. If you want to make freedom a right than why don't you make it so people never have to work their whole lives? Why don't you give people a reason not to wrong each other? Why don't you suck it up and actually make this place free? Because freedom is not just, that is apparent.

I am in no way saying that I know what is just if that is what you are thinking too, but I know injustice when I see it. I know what I desire as a human being, and I most definitely know what are the right things to desire and the wrong things to desire. Yes, you have a government that gives people the opportunity to become "great" by superficial standards. But your government shits on spiritual greatness. It gives greed the freedom, to consume any person with a potential for spiritual greatness. You tell us what we want and then in turn give us a chance to choose. Does that make any sense to you?

The biggest mistake that you can EVER make is to think that man is the meaning and answer of all things. Nietzche nailed that one for sure. and one more thing,

mercy will always remain the priviledge of the more powerful man.

Oh how I want to tell that to your priviledged naive face, but I won't. I would rather let you live your miserable little life and find out for yourself that your life has less meaning than you thought it did. I had to find out on my own, so do you.

Progress is a beautiful thing isn't it? Just cause this is America is no reason to hinder my progress to benifit your own.

Thats a little better. I finally let out a little bit of that corrosive material in my head.