I don't exactly love this (Last post)

I love when I am on the precipice of my responsibilities and turn to this blog,  it's a shame to think I might not be using it anymore in favor of the blog on my art website.  (which is the only thing providing me with food,  what little food that is.)  I would rather go hungry than miss rent however,  I have got to much honor for that.  I don't want my family to think I am not alright.  Hopefully the person who so avidly wanted to buy my painting last night is the same one today.  I am tired of talking responsibility,  that's all I fucking do now.  I don't go to parties to chill,  I go to them to advertise.  I have no choice,  50 job applications in the past month with no interview,  this town is perfect otherwise. 

College is a paradox of irony,  the goal is to earn money.  But if you have no scholarships,  parental help, or a job it is the act of losing money,  and lots of it.   In this process a person can fail classes if they are trying to pay for living expenses,  my problem is that I have to type 10 pages for a research paper,  earn over 300 dollars,  and pass a vastly understudied math exam to go to csu which was my reason for moving up here in the first place.  All of this in a week,   and steve is not so anxious to give car rides so it's like up to 3 hours of time pissed away riding my bike in the cold every day for these classes.  It was so dumb of me to do such a spaced out schedule.  ahhh that was a good rant I suppose. 

I honestly wish I could just go to school sometimes,  I honestly wish I could just make some sort of living off of art sometimes,  it's a vicious circle of wishes.  I know I have always wished to live in South America,  just by my birth we know the answer to that question.  It's turning me into this bitter person that when I meet rich college kids who have their parents paying for everything it makes me want to punch them in the mouth,  almost out of curiosity to see if they would even care the next day, I know I wouldn't if I was in the same boat.  Now it is time to talk to my teacher about this D paper I turned in.  It wasn't like I didn't research,  I researched for weeks.  It wasn't like I didn't know how to write a rhetorical analysis,  I have done it so many times I want to vomit.  It was because that paper turned into bitter opinion,  I basically shouted for hours in essence. Completely losing sight of the argument and turning it onto society.  Should I just blame this upon ignorance?  upon drugs?  Does a giant pile of K a night really hinder a person that much?  Or is it more like the motivation?

Is it more like the need to escape bullshit proceeds it,  and proceeds it,  and proceeds it?   I am fully capable,  just not willing.  Like any other drug abuser I know.  I partied hard and studied hard for 2 years,  I know it is possible.  We need some more motivation in the world!  Says the lazy man.  Like that would keep us motivated,  it is only at the fear of reprisal that we really gain motivation. Sometimes I like to fail,  secretly I really do.  I think we all do,  sometimes.   It's the fear reprisal from all of whom that we love that we try,  or it is a very large part of it at the very least.  I'm sorry for making my last blog on this page be bitter,  but I am pretty sure that is how it started.  I must move on to entertain the mob for some bread.  big fucking surprise there.

Here is another pretentious and opinionated blog post with no credible sources what so ever. 

But what sources really are credible?